Question - What is your attitude toward Sex, and Sex outside of marriage?
Osho - Sex is very important because sex is the root of life. You are born out of sex,
your every cell in the body is a sex cell. Sex cannot be denied and any
society that denies sex becomes suicidal. Then it is denying life
itself.
So sex is very significant, very meaningful. But you
can do two wrong thinks with sex. One is, you can be suppressive. Then
you create perversions. In the West, Christianity has created a very
perverted mind through too much of a ’no’ attitude toward sex, too much
fear about sex.
Too much suppression has created a reaction.
That suppression will lead to perverted mind. So I am not for
suppression. Nor am I for indulgence. Indulgence is again a reaction.
Indulgence is the opposite extreme to suppression. That, too, is not
good. I am for healthy sex that is neither indulgence nor suppression.
Sex must be accepted in its totality. Then the question of inside or
outside of marriage is irrelevant because marriage is just a part of the
social system; there is nothing natural about it.
To me, to be
really authentic in your sex life you have to go beyond the structure
of marriage. You become inauthentic in two ways. If someone is in a
sexual relationship with someone that he or she doesn’t love, to me it
is immoral.
Even if he or she is one’s husband or one’s wife,
if one is not in love then it is immoral. If love is the base, only then
can you be honest, sincere and authentic. If love is the base then
marriage becomes, by and by, a superficial structure.
Osho - Sex makes man a fool
Osho - The antagonism of religion
against sex is ninety-nine percent stupid, but there is one percent of truth
which I cannot deny. But I have never talked about that one percent of truth to
you because there is the danger that the one percent truth may deceive you and
you will forget the ninety-nine percent which is untrue. So I have been
hammering on the ninety-nine percent. But to make my picture complete... these
are my last touches to the picture, so I cannot leave anything out.
That one percent of truth is significant; in fact because of that one percent,
all religions became anti-sex. And that truth is that sex makes man a fool,
gives him the idea that he is the master of it, while he is only a slave. And
the slavery has to be broken -- he has to be pulled out of this ditch. But if
he thinks that that ditch is a palace then you cannot pull him out. You cannot
even persuade him to come out of it; hence, the condemnation of sex by all the religions.
But they overdid it, and
they forgot the ninety-nine percent dangers just for the one percent. It could
have been done very easily without taking the risk of ninety-nine percent
falsehood. But they saw the danger of man being simply a means, and that is the
lowliest position possible; you are just a means, not an end. You are being
used by some unknown force of which you have no idea. And you go on thinking in
your mind that all these prostrating people are prostrating to you.
The man living on the instinctive level only has an hallucination of love. That
hallucination is created by nature, by biology, chemistry. You have in your
body drugs which are released when you are making love, and you start moving
into euphoria. That is one of the reasons why people who become addicted to
drugs slowly slowly become uninterested in sex.
The hippies and yippies and all kinds of people -- when they became too
interested in drugs, they lost their fervor for sex completely, because now
they had found a better way of getting into a euphoric state. Now sex seemed to
be nothing compared to it. That can give you a clue that both are drugs.
Nature has been using that drug in a very minute quantity; there was no need
for more up to now. Perhaps nature will have to think again -- find out better
drugs, create better chemistry, bring its level up to date; it is lagging far
behind. Man's mind has created things like LSD far superior; so superior that a
man like Aldous Huxley thought that LSD gives you samadhi -- that it is
actually what Kabir and Buddha and Rumi and all the mystics of the world have
been talking about. But they had bullock-cart methods to reach to this state.
Now science has given us very advanced drugs, there is no need for yoga and
tantra and other things -- you just take an injection. You yourself push the
injection, there is no need for somebody else to do it. And for hours you are in
a euphoric state which is certainly superior to what you call orgasm, because
orgasm is so momentary that it only creates more desire for it; it never gives
you any satisfaction.
The second symptom that it is a drug is its power of addiction: people become
addicted to sex. And a very strange thing about addiction is that if you have
the drug, it is nothing; if you don't have it, you are missing. You never think
what you are missing because when you have it, it is nothing.. Each time you
have it you feel that it is just a futile effort, nothing comes out of it. You
don't move a single inch in evolution. You just jump for a moment in the air
and with a thump you fall back on the ground.
That's why people don't like to make love publicly, there is no other reason.
The reason is nobody wants to look so foolish. Now, in California, which is the
most advanced stupid place in the whole world, they have hotels for peeping
Toms -- you have to pay for it. Inside two fools are making love, and many
around the room are sitting and looking and enjoying what the two fools are
enjoying. They are enjoying how the couple are making fools of themselves.
People pay for it, but those two people are not aware of it; they have also
paid.
One man, the first day, was inside the room, but coming out he found many
people really hilarious. He asked them, "What is the matter?"
They said, "The show was so good!"
"Which show?" he asked.
They said, "You don't know? Come tomorrow -- it is worth seeing."
The man was such an idiot, and he had been doing such idiotic things, it was
worth seeing. The next day the man came with these friends. Now he was outside
the wall -- and then he found what the matter was: the previous day he had been
inside and all these people had enjoyed him. This was tricky -- now he was
enjoying somebody else!
All the cultures around the world have prohibited, in some way or other,
lovemaking in public places, for the simple reason that if you want to be
idiotic then at least find some privacy. Don't make yourself unnecessarily a
public show free of charge. A crowd will gather and they will enjoy. Nobody can
pass by that place; they will all stop there. And they know they all are doing
the same kinds of things. But it is an unconscious state.
Love, at the instinctive level -- which is the lowest level -- is just a dream
created by nature so that you can pass through this arduous job of making love.
If there is no euphoria around it, you are going to refuse: "I am not
going to make a fool of myself." Nature has given you a certain
allurement.
Source: from Osho Book "From Misery to Enlightenment, Chapter
5"
Osho on Witnessing the Sex Act
Osho - Stand aside. Be a witness. Remember this word ’witness’. This is one
of the key words in the search for spirituality. If you can understand this
word and practice it, you don’t need anything else. Even this one key will open
all the doors of paradise. This is a master key. Any lock can be opened by it.
What does it mean to stand aside? When sex arises in you, you get identified
with it. Then, when you have moved through the sex act, depression sets in, because you hoped
so much and nothing has happened.
You longed too much, you expected too much,
and nothing has happened. The whole thing has just been a fraud. You feel
betrayed, deceived. Then repentance sets in and you start thinking in anti-sex
terms. You start thinking how to be brahmacharya, how to be a celibate. You
think in terms of how to be a monk; you go against sex. Then you get identified
with that ’anti’ attitude.
Witnessing means that when sex
arises, stand aside and look at it. Don’t get identified. Don’t say, ”I have become sex.” Say, ”Sexual desire
has arisen in me. Now I must observe it.” Don’t be for it and don’t be against
it. Remain quiet and calm – just an observer. That doesn’t mean to suppress it,
because suppression wiD not allow you to know what it is. Don’t suppress it.
Suppression means that you are identified with the ’anti’ attitude.
Remember this: if you suppress, you are
identified with the ’anti’ attitude. Don’t suppress, don’t get identified.
Allow it to happen. Don’t be afraid; just wait and watch. Move in the sex act
but with a watchful eye, knowing well what is happening and allowing it to
happen. Not disturbing it, not suppressing it – allowing it to become manifest
in its totality, but standing aside as if you are watching someone else.
The act will move to its peak. Go with it,
but always standing by the side. Know whatsoever is happening in detail. Be
alert; don’t lose awareness. Then, from the peak, you will start falling down
and the ’anti’ attitude will set in. Be alert again. Don’t get identified with
the ’anti’ attitude. Look at what is happening: the wave has gone up to a peak;
now the wave is falling down. Sex is the wave arising. brahmacharya, the ’anti’
attitude toward sex, is the wave falling down.
Be aware, be alert. Don’t be for or against;
don’t condemn; don’t make any judgement. Don’t be a judge; just be a witness.
Don’t say, ”This is good. That is bad.” Don’t say anything. Just be alert and
watch what is happening. Be true to the facts; don’t give any interpretation.
That’s what witnessing means.
If you can be a witness to sex, and to the anti-sex attitude, you will come to
a great understanding. That understanding will tell you that sex and anti-sex
are two poles of one wave. They are not really opposite to one another. They
are just the rising and falling down of the same wave. They are one, so there
is nothing to choose. If you choose one you have already chosen the other,
because it is part of it, the hidden part of it. If you choose one you have
already chosen the other because the other cannot be separated from it. They
are one, so there is no choice. Then, choicelessness happens to you.
That choicelessness is the path of victory.
Now you don’t choose; there is nothing to choose. And a miracle happens: when
you don’t choose, both fall down. Sex and brahmacharya both disappear and for
the first time you are not in their clutches, for the first time you are not in
the hold of the opposites. Witnessing is the beginning, and witnessing is the
end. The first step and the last step are one.
Witnessing is the means and witnessing is the
goal. Then the fight goes on, but you are not the warrior. Now the fighting is
on a different level. What is that level? Now, sex and anti-sex are both
present to you simultaneously. This simultaneous presence of the opposites is
the fight. They fight with each other, and you remain a witness. Because they
are opposites, anti-poles, they destroy each other completely and both
disappear. They are of the same strength and the same energy. They cut each
other, they negate each other.
This is the fight. But you are not the
warrior; you are just a witness. You are just looking from without: a watcher
on the hills. Down in the valley the fight will go on, but now you are just a
watcher on the tower. You just look down and you know they are fighting; the
opposites are fighting. But they negate each other, because they are of the
same strength.
Remember this: only a very
deeply sexual person can become a brahmacharya. Much sexual desire can be
converted into brahmacharya. If you are
just ordinarily sexual you cannot become a brahmacharya because to become a
brahmacharya much energy is needed. And the opposite energies are always
equivalent, so only very deeply sexual persons become brahmacharyas. Ordinary
persons, with ordinary, natural sex, never move to that extreme. They cannot.
The energy to move comes from sex. Opposite energies are equivalent.
You need not fight; you need not take part
from this side or that side. That is the way of defeat. Just remain aside, get
out of the circle – be a witness. It is difficult, because the mind wants to
choose; the mind always chooses. Mind is the chooser because, without choosing,
there will be no mind; you will fall out of the mind. That’s why it is so
difficult not to choose.
Even what I am saying.... Many of you may
choose to follow what I am saying, but you will choose to do so for a reason.
People come to me and when I say, ”Be a witness,” they immediately ask, ”If I
become a witness will sexuality disappear?” Then they cannot become a witness
because they have already chosen. They ask, ”Will sexuality disappear if I
become a witness?” They are even ready to become a witness if sexuality will
disappear!
But they have made a choice. They have
decided that sexuality is bad and brahmacharya is good. They ask me, ”If I
become a witness will I become brahmacharya, will I become celibate?” They are
missing the whole point. I am saying, ”Don’t choose,” and they have already
chosen. They want to use witnessing as an instrument for their choice. But you cannot
use witnessing that way.
One man came to me. He was a seeker, a
serious seeker. But stupid. There are many stupid seekers: serious. And when I
say stupid I mean this: they can’t understand what they are doing. The man was
suffering from sex. Everyone is suffering because of sex. The suffering has
gone so deep that you don’t only suffer because of your own sexuality; you
suffer because of others’ sexuality also. This seems to be madness. You suffer
because of your own sexuality and you suffer because of others’ sexuality also,
because of what others are doing.
Enough misery can be created by your own
sexuality. Why be concerned with others? But that misery doesn’t seem to be
enough for you so you go on collecting what others are doing: who is doing wrong
and who is being good. Who are you to decide? From where have you been given
the right? Who are you to become a policeman?
The man who came to see me was a policeman.
He was suffering because of what everyone else was doing. But I told him,
”Don’t be worried about others. The real problem must be within you. You have
not yet come to terms with your sexuality, that is the problem. Why suffer
because of others? Why create other problems? Just to escape from your own
problems? Just to be occupied? Who has appointed you to be a policeman? Why
waste your life? You must be deeply sex-obsessed; that’s why you are concerned
with others.”
So he said, ”You have touched the right
wound. I am now sixty-five, and I am still suffering. As I become older, I
suffer more. It seems that sexuality is growing with my age. The energy is
less, but the sexuality is more. As death is coming near I feel to be more and
more sexual. My whole mind, for twenty-four hours, is obsessed with sex.”
I told him, ”You have been fighting sex continuously.”
He is a great seeker. He has remained with so many saints, so many gurus. I
told him, ”They have destroyed you. You have reached nowhere.Whatsoever you
have been doing is wrong. Now, don’t fight sex anymore.”
The man became afraid. He said, ”I have been
fighting sex. And this is the reason: even with fighting I am so sexual. Now
you say, ’Don’t fight it!’ Then I will become completely mad.”
I told him, ”You have tried fighting. Now try the other. You have reached
nowhere. Now, don’t fight!”
”Then what,” he asked, ”am I supposed to do?”
I told him, ”Be a witness.”
He asked, ”Will sexuality disappear then?”
I told him, ”If you become a witness with a partisan view – for brahmacharya,
against sex – you cannot become a witness. And if you cannot become a witness,
sexuality cannot disappear. Become a witness. Sexuality will disappear, but
remember, brahmacharya will also disappear with it.”
There is no need of brahmacharya when
sexuality disappears. It is part of the same game. When the disease has
disappeared, what is the use of the medicine? You will throw the medicine with
the disease. So I told him, ”Brahmacharya will also disappear. But remember not
to choose.”
He said, ”I will try.”
After three months – I told him to come back after three months – he came and
he said, ”But sex has not yet disappeared.” This is what I call stupidity. ”Sex
has not yet disappeared, and I have been practicing witnessing for three
months.”
The unconscious choice remains:
sex must disappear. Then you cannot be a witness. Witnessing means no choice,
choiceless awareness. This is one of the
most fundamental keys for all the diseases of the human mind. If you can become
a witness, the opposites fight against each other, kiD each other, and both are
dead, both disappear. But if you choose one thing over the other, you cannot be
a witness.
Source - from Osho Book "The New Alchemy
To Turn You On'
Osho on
Making Sex as Meditation
Question:
My
girlfriend told me I am a little boring, not very juicy, very Dependent and a
victim. Then I felt very guilty and depressed and Utterly unworthy. I began to
feel inside me a big no: towards Existence, life, love, you. Meanwhile I
observed in me this Destructive energy and I felt that I somehow enjoyed it!
Beloved Master, is it possible to use this energy in some creative Way?
Osho : Your
girlfriend is very compassionate, because each man finally becomes very boring
not a little boring. Do you realize the fact that what you call love is
a repetition, the same stupid gymnastics again and again? And in this whole
stupid game the man is the loser. He is dissipating his energy,
perspiring, huffing, puffing, and the girl keeps her eyes closed, thinking,
"It is a question only of two or three minutes and this nightmare will be
finished."
People are so non-inventive that they take it for granted that going through
the same actions is making them more interesting. That's why I say your
girlfriend is very compassionate -- she only told you that you are a little
boring. I say to you, you are utterly boring. When the Christian missionaries
came to this country, people discovered that they knew only one posture of
making love -- the woman underneath and those ugly beasts on top of the
delicate woman. In India that posture is called the missionary posture.
India is an ancient land and the birth place of many sciences, particularly
sexology. A book of tremendous importance, by Vatsyayana, has been in existence
for five thousand years. The name of the book is Kamasutras, hints for making
love. And it comes from a man of deep meditation -- he has created eighty-four
postures for lovemaking. Naturally the love posture should change; otherwise
you are bound to be boring.
Vatsyayana recognizes the fact that the same love posture creates boredom, a
feeling of utter stupidity, because you are always doing the same thing. He invented
eighty-four postures to make the love life of couples a little interesting.
Nobody in the whole world has written a book of the caliber of Kamasutras. But
it could only have come from a man of immense clarity, of deep meditativeness.
What is your lovemaking? If you look at your lovemaking, you yourself will feel
that it is all boring.
And particularly for the woman it is more boring,
because the man is finished in two or three minutes and the woman has not even
started. And all around the world, cultures have enforced in the minds
of women that they are not supposed even to enjoy or move or be playful -- that
is called `dirty'; prostitutes do it, not ladies. Ladies have to lie down
almost dead and let that old guy do whatsoever he wants to do; it is nothing
new, there is nothing new even to see.
You should not take it as a personal disrespect. Your girlfriend is telling you
something really sincere and honest. Have you given her orgasmic joy? Or have
you only used her to throw out your sexual energy? Have you reduced her into a
commodity? She has been conditioned to accept it, but even this accepting
cannot be joyful. You make love on the same bed where you fight every day. In
fact fighting is the preface: throwing pillows, shouting at each other, arguing
about everything and then, feeling tired, some negotiation is needed.
Your love is only a negotiation. If you are a man of aesthetic sensibility,
your love chamber should be a sacred place, because it is in that love chamber
that life is born. It should have beautiful flowers, incense, fragrance; you
should enter into it with deep respect. And love should not be just an abrupt
thing -- grab the woman. This hit-and-run affair is not love. Love should have
a preface of beautiful music, of dancing together, of meditating together.
And
love
should not be a mind thing -- that you are continuously thinking of how to make
love and then go to sleep. Love should be a deeper involvement of your whole
being, and it should not be projected by the mind, but should come out
spontaneously. Beautiful music, fragrance, you are dancing hand in hand, you
have again become small children playing with flowers... If spontaneously love
happens in this sacred atmosphere it will have a different quality.
You should understand that the woman is capable of multiple orgasms, because
she does not lose any energy. Man is capable of only one orgasm and he loses
energy, looks depressed. Even the next morning you can see his hangover, and as
he goes on growing older it becomes more and more difficult. This difference
has to be understood. The woman is on the receptive end -- she has to be,
because she has to become a mother, she needs more energy. But her orgasm has a
totally different way of happening. Man's sexuality is local, like local
anesthesia.
A woman's body is sexual all over, and unless her whole body starts trembling
with joy, each cell of her body starts becoming involved, she cannot have an orgasmic
explosion. So it is not only in your case, it is the case for almost
ninety-nine percent of women around the world. The whole situation has to be
changed. The woman should not be under the man. In the first place it is ugly
-- man has a stronger body, the woman is more fragile. She should be on top of
the man, not the man on top of the woman.
Secondly, man should remain silent, inactive, so that his orgasm is not
finished within two minutes. If you are silent and let the woman go crazy on
top of your chest it will give her good exercise and it will bring her to an
explosion of orgasmic energy. It takes time for her whole body to warm up, and
if you are not inactive there is no time. So you meet, but the meeting is not
of beauty, of love, but just utilitarian. try with your girlfriend what I am
saying. You be the inactive partner and let her be the active partner. Allow
her to be uninhibited.
She has not to behave like a lady, she has to behave like an authentic woman.
The lady is just created by man; woman is created by existence. You have to
fill the gap between her orgasms. The gap can be filled in only one way, that
you remain very inactive, silent, and enjoy her going crazy. And she will have
multiple orgasms. You should end the game by your orgasm, but you should not
begin with it. And your woman will not call you a little boring. You will be a
really interesting, real wonderful guy who is behaving like a lady!
Keep your eyes closed so that she is not inhibited by your eyes. So she can do
anything -- movement of the hands, movement of the body, moaning, groaning,
shouting... Until she says, "Hari Om Tat Sat!" you are not allowed to
be alive, you simply remain silent. This should be the indication. "Hari
Om Tat Sat" simply means: this orgasmic explosion, this is the truth. Then
she will be mad after you. Right now you must be behaving stupidly, as most of
the men in the world do.
The second thing you say: "My girlfriend is saying that I am not very
juicy." So become a little more juicy! To become juicy is not very
difficult. The juice of all kinds of fruits is available everywhere. Drink more
juice, less solid food. She is giving you good advice and you in your stupidity
are thinking that she is condemning you. When she says, "You are very
dependent and a victim," I can see even through your question that she is
right.
A victim you are, just as every human being is a victim -- a victim of stupid
ideologies, which have created strange guilt feelings and do not allow you to
be playful. Although you may be making love, you know you are committing a sin
and that hell is not far off.
Becky Goldberg was telling Goldberg, "You are a great lover."
Goldberg said, "But you never told me this before. I was waiting for
somebody to say that I am a great lover, but I dropped the idea because it
seems I am not."
Becky Goldberg said to him, "No, you are a great lover, and I wanted to
say it to you many times, but you were not there!" ... making love to
Becky, and Goldberg is not there. He is counting his money, doing his accounts,
and his mind is doing thousands of things.
In every bed where there are two lovers there are at least -- I mean minimum --
four people. There are more inventive people -- they may have a whole crowd in
the bed. The woman is making love to Goldberg and thinking of Muhammad Ali.
Goldberg is making love as a duty and is thinking of so many beautiful
actresses; but his mind is not there, and neither is his wife's mind there.
Their minds are in their dreams.
A man told his friend, "Last night I had a tremendous dream. I have to
tell you. I have been waiting for the morning to tell you the dream." The
man said, "What kind of dream?"
He said, "I went fishing in my dream and I caught such big fish that even
to draw in one big fish was a strenuous job for me, and I caught so many fish.
I don't know where these fish disappear to in the day."
The other man said, "Stop all this nonsense, you don't know what I have
dreamt. I found in my dream, on one side of me, Sophia Loren, absolutely nude.
And I said, `My God, have I reached heaven?' And on the other side was another
beautiful woman. It was impossible to judge who was more beautiful."
The other friend became very angry and he said, "You idiot! You pretend to
be my best friend. Why didn't you call me?" He said, "I did call, but
your wife said you had gone fishing."
Nobody is where you think he is. Nobody is at home.
While making love make it a meditative process. Your
whole presence has to be there, showering on the woman you love. The woman has
to be there, showering all her beauty and grace on her lover. Then you will not
be a victim, otherwise you are a victim. And the most important part
will be that you will not feel guilty and depressed. No creative person feels
depressed and guilty. His participation in the universe by his creative actions
makes him tremendously fulfilled and gives him dignity.
That is the very birthright of every man, but very few people claim it. And
there is no difficulty, it is so easy to use energy in creative fields. Paint,
do gardening, grow flowers, write poetry, learn music, dance. Learn anything
that changes your destructive energy into creative energy, and immediately the
big No will become even a bigger Yes. Then you will not be angry at existence,
you will be grateful. You will not be against life. How can a creative person
be against life, love? It is impossible, it has never happened.
It is only the uncreative people who are against everything. Your girl has
raised very important questions for your life. The easiest way would be to
change the girlfriend, but I suggest that your girlfriend is certainly a friend
to you and that whatever she has said is absolutely sincere, authentic. Be
grateful to her and start changing things. The day your girlfriend accepts you
as juicy, as interesting, will be a great day in your life. So don't be a
coward and change girlfriends just because this girlfriend creates trouble in
your mind, and you want to find some other girlfriend.
You must know of my disciples here. You are fortunate to find a very
compassionate girl. Your next choice will be very difficult; she will make you
feel absolutely guilty and unworthy. Because what have you done to be worthy?
What have you done not to be boring? What have you done to declare your
independence? What have you done not to be a victim?
It is time you should do it. You will remain always grateful to your
girlfriend. I would like to tell your girlfriend, "Go on hitting this
fellow until you are satisfied that he is not boring, but full of juice,
utterly interesting, playful, celebrating. You may lose him somewhere on the
path of life, but you will have prepared him for some other woman; otherwise
the way he is now he is going to torture many women and torture himself."
Osho on
Relationship and problems of Love
Question:
In my
relationship I often lose my self and start feeling Closed in. What can I do?
Osho : This is one of the fundamental problems of
love. Every lover has to learn it, nobody knows it by birth. It only comes
slowly slowly and through much pain, but the sooner it comes, the better --
that each person needs his or her own space, that we should not interfere in
that space. To interfere is very natural for lovers, because they start taking
the other for granted. They start thinking that they are no more separate. They
don't think of 'I' and 'thou'; they start thinking of 'we'. You are that too,
but only once in a while.
'We' is a rare phenomenon. Once, for a few moments, lovers come to that point
where the word is meaningful, where you can say 'we', when 'I' and 'thou'
disappear into each other, where boundaries overlap. But these are rare
moments; they should not be taken for granted. You cannot remain 'we'
twenty-four hours a day, but that's what every lover demands -- and that
creates unnecessary misery. When you come close once in a while you become one,
but those are rare moments, precious, to be cherished, and you cannot make them
a twenty-four-hour thing.
If you try, you will destroy them; then the whole beauty will be
lost. When that moment is gone, it is gone; you are again 'I' and 'thou'. You
have your space, she has her space. And one has to be respectful now, that the
other's space should not be in any way interfered with; it should not be
trespassed. If you trespass it, you hurt the other; you start destroying the
other's individuality. And because the other loves you, she or he will go on
tolerating it.
But toleration is one thing; it is not something very beautiful. If the other
is only tolerating it, then sooner or later the other will take revenge. The
other cannot forgive you and it goes on accumulating -- one day, another day,
another day.... You have interfered with a thousand and one things, then they
all pile up, and then one day they explode. That's why lovers go on fighting.
That fight is because of this constant interference. And when you interfere in
her being, she tries to interfere in your being, and nobody feels good about
it.
For example, she is feeling happy and you will feel
left alone because you are not feeling happy. You will feel as if you have been
cheated. 'Why is she feeling happy?' You should both feel happy -- that
is your idea. That happens once in a while. But sometimes it happens that she
is happy, you are not happy or you are happy and she is not happy. We have to
understand it, that the other has every right to be happy without one... even
though it hurts. You would like to participate but you are not in the mood.
If you insist, all that you can do is: you can destroy her happiness... and you
are both losers in that way, because if you destroy her happiness, when you are
happy alone she will destroy your happiness. Slowly slowly, rather than
becoming friends, we turn into enemies. The basic requirement is: the other has
to be given absolute freedom to be herself. If she is happy, feel good -- she
is happy; if you can be happy and participate in her happiness, good.
If you
cannot, leave her alone. If she is sad, if you can participate in her sadness,
good. If you cannot participate and you want to sing a song and you are feeling
happy, leave her alone. Don't drag her according to you; leave her to herself.
Then slowly slowly a great respect arises for each other. That respect becomes
the foundation of the temple of love.
Osho on Meditating on your Sexuality
Question: I feel stuck. I feel I
have an essential being inside which wants to get out. It feels a lot more
alive and dangerous than the one I drag around with me. It wants to grab girls
and sexually enjoy. But you have said that for lifetimes the energy has gone
down; time for a change. It wants to fume and rage at getting a half-cup
instead of a full cup of milk.
Osho : The half-cup will always remain half. Because it is in the very
nature of desires that they cannot be completed. It is the very nature of
desire to remain half, to remain discontent. It is the very nature of desire to
remain desiring.
You desire one thing. When you get
it, by the time you get it, your desire has increased. You were desiring ten
thousand rupees. By the time you get ten thousand rupees, your desire has gone
farther ahead. Now it is asking for twenty thousand rupees.
In fact nothing has changed. You had
five thousand rupees with you, and you were desiring ten thousand rupees. Now
you have ten thousand rupees, you are desiring twenty thousand rupees. The
proportion is the same. The distance between you and your goal is the same. It
remains the same. The cup remains half. There is no way through desire to come
to fulfillment.
Buddha has said it is
not the nature of desire to be fulfilled. Fulfillment comes only by
desirelessness. Now, this is one of the most
important paradoxes -- if you drop desiring, you will be fulfilled. The more
you desire, the more you are getting into desire, the farther and farther away
you go from your possibility of fulfillment. One desire creates many more
desires... then many more desires, millions more. It is like a tree. First it
is one, then many branches, then many small offshoots, and on and on it goes.
The person has asked, I FEEL STUCK....
Everybody
who has been living in desire feels stuck. The problem is that if you don't try to fulfill your desire, you remain unfulfilled. If you
try, even if you get the goal of your desire, then you remain unfulfilled --
then too, nothing changes. This is the nightmare of life.
I have heard about a madhouse. A
visitor had come, and the doctor, the superintendent, was taking him round. They
came to a cage. A man was beating his head, pulling his hair, crying, and
holding a small picture near his chest. Pathetic, very tragic was the scene.
The visitor asked, 'What happened to
this unfortunate man?'
The doctor said, 'He used to love a
woman and he could not get her. She decided to marry somebody else. Since then
he has been mad. He is carrying that picture continuously -- day, night, awake,
asleep -- and he goes on in deep anguish. His misery is immense.'
Then they reached another cage, just
in front of the first one. Another person was raving mad, hitting against the
walls, fighting with some shadows. He was almost violent, aggressive; he looked
like a murderer. And the visitor asked, 'What happened to this man?'
The doctor started laughing. He
said, 'The woman married this man! And this is what has happened by marrying
the woman.'
One is suffering because he could not get, another is suffering because he
could get. There are poor people who are suffering because they don't have
riches. And there are rich people who are suffering because now they have
riches and yet they have nothing. There are unsuccessful people who are in
tremendous pain because they failed and life failed them. And there are
successful people who are simply empty, all life gone out of them. They put
everything at stake and they succeeded and now what to do?
Nothing fails like success. When it
comes, you cannot believe what you were desiring. You can have a big house, and
you can have respect and money, and suddenly you see -- you are just empty and
your whole life has been a wastage. Things have accumulated and you have
disappeared. Things are there, possessions are there, but the master is
missing. This is the nature of desire. Everybody feels stuck.
I FEEL STUCK. I FEEL I HAVE AN
ESSENTIAL BEING INSIDE WHICH WANTS TO GET OUT.
That is not your essential being.
Because the essential being is that which has no desire. The being that desires
is the accidental being. Be careful what words you use. The essential is one
which has no desire. It is already fulfilled. That which desires is the
accidental. It is continuously unhappy, continuously in discontent,
continuously frustrated... and goes on desiring. And the problem is -- the more
you desire, the more you get frustrated. The more you get frustrated, the more
you desire. A vicious circle... and one goes on moving in it and is crushed by
the wheel.
I FEEL I HAVE AN ESSENTIAL BEING
INSIDE WHICH WANTS TO GET OUT.
The essential being
never wants to get out. The essential being is your innermost core, it is your
innerness. It never wants to get out. There is
nothing for it to go anywhere. It is already where it should be. The essential
is one which is already where it should be, which is already that which it
should be. The essential is the ideal, the essential is the natural, the
spontaneous.
I FEEL I HAVE AN ESSENTIAL BEING
INSIDE ME WHICH WANTS TO GET OUT.
This is not your essential being
that wants to get out. This is your accidental being. Maybe it arises because
you are identified with the body, or it arises because you are identified with
the mind. IT FEELS A LOT MORE ALIVE AND DANGEROUS THAN THE ONE I DRAG AROUND
WITH ME.
Yes, it is. It at least appears to be
more alive. It at least deceives you to be more alive. Follow it and you will
find that it tricked you.
That's what people find by the time
death is approaching. Their sex tricked them, their lust tricked them, their
greed tricked them, their ambition tricked them. And now everything is gone,
all energy lost, and they are going empty-handed. They have not matured. They
have not got anything that they can carry beyond death.
Life is that which cannot be
destroyed by death, remember. That is the definition. And anything alive, if it
is truly alive, is beyond death. It cannot be taken away by death. Nothing can
destroy it. Aliveness is eternity.
IT FEELS A LOT MORE ALIVE... It
simply deceives you. It is very very tricky, it is very persuasive. It is a
great salesman... AND DANGEROUS THAN THE ONE I DRAG AROUND WITH ME. Yes, and it
is dangerous; not for you -- it is dangerous for others. For you, it is just an
illusion.
Of course it is dangerous, but not
in the sense that I was talking about danger. That's what everybody is doing.
That is nothing new. Everybody is greedy and everybody is full of lust. That is
nothing new, that is nothing risky. That is the way of the world. Even animals
are doing that, trees are doing that. Everybody is doing that. It is dangerous
in a different way. It is dangerous in the sense that it is destructive. It
will destroy you, and it will destroy others. It is not creative.
Love is creative. Sex
is destructive. And there is a lot of difference between the two. Sometimes you start thinking that your sexuality is your
love. Then you are deceived. Sexuality can play the game of love, but it is a
counterfeit game. I am not against sex, but I am certainly against sexuality.
And the difference is that sex is a natural thing and sexuality is a mind
thing.
To love a woman is natural, to love
a man is natural. To reproduce children is natural, nothing wrong in it. But to
think about women, to carry pornographic pictures, to fall asleep every night
thinking about women -- women and women and women -- that is sexuality.
Mulla Nasrudin went to his psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist said, just
as a test, 'Look at the clock on the wall. What does it remind you of?'
He looked at the wall and said, 'Of
women.'
The clock!? The psychiatrist said, 'Okay, what does this chair remind you of?'
'Of course,' Mulla
Nasrudin said, 'of women.' Even the
psychiatrist was shocked -- the chair? And then a camel was passing, so he
said, 'And what does this camel remind you of?' Now, this is the farthest thing
from a woman -- a camel.
And he said, 'Of course, of women.'
The psychiatrist said, 'This is too much. How can the camel remind you of
women?'
Mulla Nasrudin said, 'It is not a
question of the camel or anything else. I never think about anything else.
Everything reminds me of women. Even nothing reminds me of women. I simply
think about women and nothing else.'
Now this is sexuality. And the same
is trying to erupt in the questioner. IT WANTS TO GRAB GIRLS AND SEXUALLY
ENJOY. Now nothing is wrong in falling in love
with a woman, but to grab a girl is ugly. Be a little more artful and a little
more gentlemanly. Grabbing? The very word is aggressive, the very word is
violent -- as if you don't have any respect for the woman you love. Grabbing?
Is she a thing? Do you want to rape?
This is what goes on happening in
the ordinary mind. It has fallen from sex, it has become sexual. Sex is
natural, normal. You love a woman, you love a man -- good. But then you are
finished. If you love a woman, you are finished with being concerned with other
women. Then that one woman represents all women, then that one man becomes all
the men in one. Then the whole mankind is there. When you love a woman, you
have found the essential woman that you were looking for. Now you are not
looking at every passerby, and your mind is not grabbing. IT WANTS TO GRAB GIRLS
AND SEXUALLY ENJOY.
First thing to
remember -- if you grab a woman, you will never enjoy. Because enjoyment cannot
be forced. It is a subtle rhythm. When a woman
also loves you, only then this music arises between the two which gives joy,
delight.
You can grab a woman -- and that's
what people are doing. Somebody is doing just by physical force, somebody is
doing by money-force... because he has money so he can purchase any woman...
somebody is doing by some other means. As I see, out of a hundred, ninety-nine
people have grabbed women and men. Rarely it happens that a person is in love.
When you are in love,
you don't grab the woman and the woman does not grab you. When you are in love,
love possesses you both. When you are in love, you don't
possess each other. You possess not -- not at all. And when you are in love,
you don't think about enjoyment; it is there. All thinking about enjoyment
exists because it is not there, it is missing.
Joy is something which happens as a
consequence; it is not a result. You cannot make any effort to be joyful. You
can move into some activity so deeply that you forget yourself, and joy arises.
Joy arises only when you are not. This is what Buddha says -- when the self
disappears then joy arises.
The self can disappear in
meditation. The self can disappear in love. The self can disappear in prayer.
The self can disappear in dance, in singing and painting. The self can
disappear anywhere if you are completely lost in any activity, and the activity
is so deep that you are no more a doer there; you have become one with it. It
happens sometimes.
Once a young man came to me. He was
a good runner, a champion runner, and he asked me how to meditate, and he was
so bubbling with energy. He was a great runner, and he said, 'When I sit, and
you tell me to sit silently, I cannot sit; the energy is so much. Is there any
possibility for me to ever become meditative?'
I said, 'You forget about
meditation. You run, and you drop yourself in running. One day meditation will happen.'
He said, 'What are you saying? Just
by running? Has anybody ever become a Buddha just running?'
I said, 'Yes, there is a
possibility. Because a person can become a Buddha in any activity.'
He said, 'I will try.'
After a week he came and he said,
'It is unbelievable. I cannot even believe that it has happened. Something
tremendously beautiful happened. I was running, I was going as fast as I could.
And as you had said, I forgot myself completely. I was not performing, it was
not a competition. I was simply in it... the sun falling on my being, showering
me, the morning breeze, the birds singing, and the empty bank of the river. And
I was running and running.
'And by and by I started falling
into a rhythm with the river, with the breeze, with the trees. And suddenly,
yes, it was there. I was so full of joy. I have never been so joyful. Tell me,
Osho, has it really happened? Because I cannot believe that just by running...
and I have been running for many years and it has never happened.' He was not
losing himself; running was a performance.
Now, one of the most miserable
things is happening in the West -- people are making even love a performance.
They read Masters and Johnson, and they read Kinsey and his reports, and they
read other so-called great sex researchers, and now they are trying to perform.
They go on looking whether the woman
is having the orgasm or not, whether she is thinking that the man is the
greatest man in the world or not. And the woman is also thinking in the same
way -- seeing whether she is fulfilling the man and giving him great ecstasy or
not. Now both are performing and the whole thing is destroyed. Now they are
simply acting, they are no more in it.
In the West, this
century is proving the worst century for love. And they talk too much about love, and so
many books are there -- but something is missing. Love is becoming a
performance.
I am saying to you that even a thing
like running, if it is no more a performance, will give you the same orgasm
that love can give, and the same ecstasy that meditation can give. Even
cleansing the floor, you can attain to samadhi.
Sarita goes on cleansing. I hope one
day she achieves her samadhi through cleansing. She is moving by
and by towards it. Sometimes she even misses my talks because she has to clean,
and she enjoys cleaning so much that I say, 'Okay, you miss the talk. You will
not be missing me.'
Even an ordinary activity -- very
ordinary activity -- can have tremendous import once you are completely lost in
it. Don't be a performer.
IT WANTS TO GRAB GIRLS
AND SEXUALLY ENJOY. If you grab a girl you will have a corpse in your hands,
not a human body. You can make love to a corpse.
There have been people.... It is said that when Cleopatra died, some foolish
people dug her out of her grave and raped her... with a dead body. But this is
not so strange. As I see, many people are doing it. It is not very strange.
Cleopatra was tremendously beautiful, and men are foolish.
H. G. Wells has written that if
Cleopatra had had a little smaller nose, the whole history of humanity would
have been different. Men are such fools that their whole history can be
different if Cleopatra had had a little smaller nose. It must have been; H. G.
Wells is right. The whole history would have been different. And some fools
raped the dead body.
But this is happening on a very
large scale. If your woman is not ready to love you in that moment... maybe she
is your wife; that does not make it sure... if she is not ready out of her own
heart, if she is not flowing in it, you are making love to a dead body. If your
man is not ready, drawn into it, losing himself into it, you are making love to
a dead body.
You can grab, but you will never
reach the woman. The woman or the man can never be grabbed. And you can try to
enjoy and you will be only frustrated, because nobody has ever attained any
enjoyment by trying it. Enjoyment comes like a shadow. The whole effort is
ridiculous.
Let me tell you one anecdote
: Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were at the ballet. He suddenly started
laughing. The wife asked, 'Why?' 'I was just wondering what the audience would
do if I suddenly jumped on the stage, grabbed one of the girls, threw her down
and made violent love to her,' he said.
The wife thought a little and began
to laugh. He asked, 'Why?'
'I was just thinking,' she said, 'what would you do if the audience gave you a
standing ovation and screamed for an encore. If the audience screamed,
"Once more!" what would you do?'
It will be really ridiculous.
Performance is ridiculous. Don't be a performer.
Never think of grabbing a woman or a
man. Love -- love is beautiful. But loving needs a tremendous transformation in
you, because it is a surrender. You have to surrender, you have to be
respectful. You have to revere the other person, his being. Love is prayer. And
if sex happens as part of love, sex is spiritual. Then sex is no more sexual,
then it is a spiritual ecstasy. It is meditative and prayerful.
BUT YOU HAVE SAID THAT FOR LIFETIMES
THE ENERGY HAS GONE DOWN; TIME FOR A CHANGE. IT WANTS TO FUME AND RAGE AT
GETTING A HALF-CUP INSTEAD OF A FULL CUP OF MILK.
The very nature of desire is such,
and you are tackling it in a very foolish way. Try to understand the nature of
desire. I am not saying repress it. I am saying understand it. Because
repression will not help. In fact, repression has brought you to this stage.
The questioner must have been
repressing. See, he has repressed his natural desires so much that they have
become corrupted. Now he thinks that is his essential being. It is nothing but
his repressed being. Then you can go on and on in your head, playing again and
again the same repressed desires. And it is not going to fulfill you. I am not
saying be repressive. I am saying be skillful, be aware.
It happened : When Syble got to be
twenty-eight without any prospects of getting married, her mother nagged her
into inserting an ad in the matrimonial column. The ad read: Beautiful exotic
young heiress seeks correspondence with devil-may-care gentleman who wants to
go places fast.
After the ad appeared, the mother asked
anxiously, 'Well, any answers?'
'Just one,' sighed the daughter.
'Who wrote it?' demanded mama.
'I should not tell you,' said the daughter.
'But it was my idea,' shouted mama, 'and I insist on knowing.'
'All right,' said the daughter, 'you asked for it. It is from papa.'
If you go on repressing, then it
will become uglier and uglier. And in old age all your repressions become very
strong -- because you become weak and your repressions take revenge. I am not
saying to repress. I am saying understand. Only if understanding can help, then
it is good. And understanding helps.
Meditate on your
sexuality. See it through and through. Let it become transparent. And the first
thing needed is -- at least make your sexuality normal. Let it be sex. Don't
think in terms of grabbing. Be a little more romantic. Don't be so aggressive
and violent. Be a little more poetic about life, and a little more graceful.
First let your sexuality come to a
normal point of sex, and then let your sex follow your love. Never put your sex
before love. Love should be the driving force and sex should follow it. And
once you have done this much, you are on the right track. Soon you will realize
that whatsoever you have been calling your essential self was your repressed
self. And once that repressed self is dispersed, eliminated, and you have
become natural, healthy, whole, then your essential self will come for the
first time into your vision. The essential self is your innermost god. The
essential self is what truth is. The essential self is no-self.
Source: from book “The Discipline of
Transcendence” by Osho
Osho - Sleepy person knows
only a few sensations of the body food, sex
Question - Beloved Master, What is Happiness?
Osho
- Jayananda, it depends. It depends on you, on your state of consciousness or
unconsciousness, whether you are asleep or awake. There is one famous maxim of
Murphy. He says there are two types of people: One, who always divide humanity
in two types, and the other, who don't divide humanity at all. I belong to the
first type.... Humanity can be divided in two types: the sleeping ones and the
awakened ones -- and, of course, a small part in between.
Happiness will depend on where you are in your consciousness. If you are
asleep, then pleasure is happiness. Pleasure means sensation, trying to achieve
something through the body which is not possible to achieve through the body,
forcing the body to achieve something it is not capable of. People are trying,
in every possible way, to achieve happiness through the body.
The body can give you only momentary
pleasures, and each pleasure is balanced by pain in the same amount, in the
same degree. Each pleasure is followed by its opposite because body exists in
the world of duality, just as the day is followed by night and death is
followed by life and life is followed by death. It is a vicious circle. Your
pleasure will be followed by pain, your pain will be followed by pleasure.
But you will never be at ease. When you will be in a state of pleasure you will
be afraid that you are going to lose it, and that fear will poison it. And when
you will be lost in pain, of course, you will be in suffering, and you will try every possible effort to get out of it -- just to fall
again back into it. Buddha calls this the wheel of birth and death. We go on
moving in this wheel, clinging to the wheel... and the wheel moves on.
Sometimes pleasure comes up and sometimes pain comes up, but we are crushed
between these two rocks.
But the sleepy person knows nothing else. He knows only a few sensations of the
body -- food, sex. This is his world; he goes on moving between these two.
These are the two ends of his body: food and sex. If he represses sex he
becomes addicted to food: if he represses food he becomes addicted to sex.
Energy goes on moving like a pendulum. And whatsoever you call pleasure is, at
the most, just a relief of a tense state. Sexual energy gathers, accumulates;
you become tense and heavy and you want to release it.
The man who is asleep, his sexuality is nothing but a relief, like a good
sneeze. It gives you nothing but a certain relief. A tension was there, now it
is no more there; but it will accumulate again. Food gives you only a little
taste on the tongue; it is not much to live for. But many people are living
only to eat; there are very few people who eat to live.
The story of Columbus is well-known. It was a long trip. For three months they
saw nothing but water. Then one day Columbus looked out at the horizon and saw
trees. And if you think Columbus was happy to see trees, you should have seen
his dog! That's why the Siberian dogs are the fastest in the world: because the
trees are so far apart. But this is the world of pleasure. The dog can be
forgiven, but you cannot be forgiven.
During their first date, the young man, looking for ways to have a good time,
asked the young lady if she would like to go bowling. She replied that she did
not care to go bowling. He then suggested a movie, but she answered that she
did not care for them. While trying to think of something else he offered her a
cigarette which she declined. He then asked if she would like to dance and
drink at the new disco. She again declined by saying she did not care for those
things. In desperation he asked her to come to his apartment for a night of
lovemaking. To his surprise she happily agreed, kissed him passionately and
said, "You see, you don't need any of those things to have a good
time!"
It depends on people what can be called happiness. To the sleeping, pleasurable
sensations are happiness. He lives from one pleasure to another pleasure. He is
just rushing from one sensation to another sensation. He lives for small
thrills. His life is very superficial; it has no depth, it has no quality. He
lives in the world of quantity.
Then the people who are in between, who are neither asleep nor awake, who are
just in a limbo, a little bit asleep, a little bit awake. You sometimes have
that experience in the early morning: still sleepy, but you can't say you are
asleep because you can hear the noise in the house, your wife preparing tea,
the noise of the samovar or the milkman at the door or children getting ready
to go to school. You can hear these things, but still you are not awake.
Vaguely, dimly these noises reach to you, as if there is a great distance
between you and all that is happening around you.
It feels as if it is still a part of the
dream. It is not a part of the dream, but you are in a state of in-between. The
same happens when you start meditating. The nonmeditator sleeps, dreams; the
meditator starts moving away from his sleep towards awakening. He is in a
transitory state. Then happiness has a totally different meaning: it becomes
more of a quality, less of a quantity; it is more psychological, less
physiological.
He enjoys music more, he enjoys poetry more, he enjoys creating something. He
enjoys nature, its beauty. He enjoys silence. He enjoys what he had never
enjoyed before, and this is far more lasting. Even if the music stops,
something goes on lingering in you. And it is not a relief.
The difference between pleasure and THIS happiness is: it is not a relief, it
is an enrichment. You become more full, you become a little overflowing.
Listening to good music, something is triggered in your being, a harmony arises
in you -- you become musical. Or dancing, suddenly you forget your body; your
body becomes weightless. The grip of gravitation over you is lost. Suddenly you
are in a different space: the ego is not so solid, the dancer melts and merges
into the dance. This is far higher, far deeper
than the joy that you gain from food or sex. This has a depth. But this is also
not the ultimate. The ultimate happens only when you are fully awake, when you
are a buddha,
when all sleep is gone and all dreaming is gone, when your whole being is full
of light, when there is no darkness within you. All darkness has disappeared
and with that darkness, the ego is gone. All tensions have disappeared, all
anguish, all anxiety. You are in a state of total contentment. You live in the
present; no past, no future anymore. You are utterly herenow.
This moment is all. Now is the only time and here is the only space. And then
suddenly the whole sky drops into you. This is bliss. This is REAL happiness.
Seek bliss, Jayananda; it is your birthright. Don't remain lost in the jungle
of pleasures; rise a little higher. Reach to happiness and then to bliss.
Pleasure is animal, happiness is human, bliss is divine. Pleasure binds you, it
is a bondage, it chains you. Happiness gives you a little more rope, a little
bit of freedom, but only a little bit. Bliss is absolute freedom. You start
moving upwards; it gives you wings. You are no more part of the gross earth;
you become part of the sky. You become light, you become joy. Pleasure is
dependent on others. Happiness is not so dependent on others, but still it is
separate from you. Bliss is not dependent, is not separate either; it is your
very being, it is your very nature. To attain it is to attain to God, to nirvana.
Source: from Osho Book "Dhammapada Vol 10"
Osho on Shortcoming in Tantra Teachings
Question - Beloved Osho, Do You see
shortcoming in the Teachings of Tantra that incline you to feel Tantric methods
are not suitable for us?
Osho - It is not a complete system.
There is a basic fallacy that human beings fall into: they find a small
truth, a part of the truth, and rather than discover the whole, the remaining
part they imagine to fill up the gap. Because they have part of the truth, they
can argue and they can manage to make a system, but the remaining part is
simply their invention.
All the systems have done that. Rather than discovering the whole truth, it is
the human tendency to say, "Why bother? We have found a small piece which
is enough for the showcase, which is enough to silence any enemy who raises any
question" -- and the remaining is just invention.
For example, tantra is right that sexual energy is the basic energy, so this
energy should be transformed into higher forms. It is a truth. But what
happened is that they never went very deep into meditation; meditation remained
just secondary. And man's sexuality shows itself so powerfully that in the name
of tantra it became simply sexual orgy.
Without meditation that was going to happen. Meditation should have been the
most primary thing because that is going to transform the energy, but that
became secondary. And many people who were sexually perverted, sexually
repressed, joined the tantra school. These were the people who brought all
their perversions, all their repressions. They were not interested in any
transformation, they were interested only in getting rid of their repressions;
their interest was basically sexual.
So although tantra has a piece of truth, it could not be used rightly. Unless
that piece of truth is put in second place, and meditation moves into first
place, it will always happen that in tantra, people will be doing all kinds of
perversions. And with a great name, they will not feel that they are doing
anything wrong; they will feel they are doing something religious, something
spiritual.
Tantra failed for two reasons. One was an inner reason -- that meditation was
not made the central point. And second, tantra had no special methodology for
the perverted and the repressed, so that first their repressions and
perversions are settled and they become normal. And once they become normal,
then they are introduced to meditation. Only after deep meditation should they
be allowed in tantra experiments. It was a wrong arrangement, so the whole
thing became, in the name of a great system, just an exploitation of sex.
That's what many of the therapists are doing. Just the other day I saw Rajen's
advertisement for a tantra group -- with an obscene picture. It will attract
people because this is real pornography. Why bother to go to see just pictures
printed on paper when you can see real people doing pornography? And Rajen has
no understanding of meditation, has never meditated.
And these people will feel good, relieved, because the society does not allow
them... In the group they will be allowed to do everything they want to do, so
much repression will be thrown out, and they will feel relieved and light and
they will feel thankful that they have gone through a great tantra experience. And there has been no
tantra experience -- it was simply a sexual orgy. And within a few days, they
will again collect repressions because they cannot do it outside in the
society. So they become permanent customers, chronic tantrikas.
And the so-called therapists enjoy the money that they bring. They have nothing
to lose, they simply allow freedom. They start with all the great words that I
have been using -- "freedom," "expression," "no
repression," "just be yourself, and don't be worried what others are
thinking," "do your own thing." And those idiots start doing
their own thing! First people should be introduced to meditation, and then they
should be introduced to tantra methods. This is not tantra. Tantra methods are
totally different. These people who are doing tantra, they don't know anything
about tantra.
For example, Ramakrishna meditated deeply, and whenever he felt any sexual urge
disturbing his meditation he would ask his wife Sharda -- who was a beautiful
woman -- to sit on a high stool, naked, and he would sit in front of her just
looking at her, meditating on her till that sexual urge subsided. Then he would
touch the feet of Sharda, his own wife, and he would thank her, saying,
"You have been helping me immensely; otherwise, where would I have gone?
The urge needed some expression, and just watching you was enough."
The temple of Khajuraho has beautiful statues in all sexual postures. It was a
tantra school that made the temple and those statues. And the first thing the
student had to do was to meditate on each statue -- and they are arranged in
such a way that from one corner you go around the temple in a circle. It may
take six months, but you have to watch each statue until you can see it just as
a statue with no sexuality in it -- and it is in a sexual posture. But just in
your watching it, seeing it for months, it becomes a pure piece of art; all
pornography disappears. Then you move to another. And all the perversions of
human mind have been put into the statues.
And when you have circled the whole temple, only then will the master allow you
inside the temple. Those six months are of immense meditation and of tremendous
release, all repressions gone: you are feeling absolutely light. Then the
master allows you in. And inside the temple there is no sexual statue; inside
the temple there is nothing -- emptiness.
Then the master teaches you how to go deeper into your meditation which has
arisen in the six months, and now you can go very deep because there is no
hindrance, no problem, no sexuality. And this going deep into meditation with
no sexual disturbance means the sexual energy is moving with the meditation, not
against it. That's how it is transformed and takes higher forms.
All these so-called therapists know nothing about tantra, know nothing of why
it failed. But they are not interested in that, they are interested in
exploiting repressed people. And the repressed people are happy because after a
seven or ten day tantra session, they feel relieved; they think this is some
spiritual growth. But within two or three days all that spiritual growth will
be gone, and they are ready for another group. There are some people -- you can
call them "groupies" -- that move from one group to another group to
another group. Their whole life is just a movement from group to group. Just
like hippies... but you can call them "groupies."
Source: from Osho Book "The Path of Mystic"
Osho on Repressed Sexuality
Question: Beloved Master, I am
seventy years old, and it feels embarrassing to be still longing for sex. What
should I do?
Osho : Jagat Narayan, the
first thing is to accept your longing. Don't reject it, don't deny it, don't
repress it. It is because of repression that it continues; in your youth you
must have repressed it too much.
Once it happened: I was in New Delhi
and a young monk was brought to me; he must have been not more than
thirty-five. He was living a life of absolute celibacy. He told me, "It is
only a question of a few more years that I have to fight with my sexual desire.
Can you tell me," he asked me, "exactly how many more years it will
take? I am thirty-five. I am getting a little bit tired of fighting, fighting.
Up to now I have succeeded -- now how many more years?"
I said, "It is better if you don't ask me, because the real problem is
still ahead of you. The real problem has not happened yet; it happens at the
age of forty-two."
He said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "Right now you are
young, full of energy, strength -- you can repress your sexual desire. But
after forty-two you will become weak; slowly slowly, every day you will become
weaker. YOU will become weak, but the repressed sexual desire, accumulated for
years, will be very strong. The energy that is repressing it will be weaker and
the energy that is repressed will become stronger every day. The real problem
starts after forty-two."
He said, "Nobody has ever said
that to me. People say that by the time you reach forty-five, if you can manage
to keep yourself celibate, the problem disappears."
I said, "They don't know at
all, they don't know the ways of energy. The repressor will become weak, but
the repressed never becomes weak, because the repressed accumulates."
After ten years, when he must have
been forty-five, he came to see me again. I was in Amritsar. He touched my
feet, cried, and he said, "You are right. Now I am on the verge of
breaking down. Now the urge is so intense, as it has never been, and I am not
in a situation to fight. I am tired, defeated, weak. You were right, but I
didn't listen to you. And all the people who have been telling me that after
forty-five the problem disappears, either were deceiving me or they were
deceiving themselves or they were utterly ignorant, unaware of how energies function."
Jagat Narayan, you
must have repressed. That's how people are brought up, particularly in India:
the religious person is one who represses all his natural desires. Now you are seventy and it really looks embarrassing to
still be so childish. The older you grow, the more embarrassing it will become,
but the more persistent it will be. Twenty-four hours of your day will become
obsessed with sex. And this is what has been done to you by your society: the
society has created a kind of split in you, you have become divided from your
own nature.
Even now it is not too late. Don't
be worried and don't feel embarrassed. Why? If God has given you sex and the
longing for it then it is perfectly right, it is divine. YOU have not created
it -- why do YOU feel embarrassed? It is instinctive.
If you really want to feel
embarrassed, feel embarrassed because you are a Hindu and for seventy years you
allowed foolish people to dominate you, stupid priests to dominate you. Feel
embarrassed that you were not intelligent enough to get out of the prison in
which you were accidentally born. But don't feel embarrassed about sex and the
longing for it -- that is natural. Being Hindu is not natural, being Mohammedan
is not natural. Feel embarrassed that for seventy years you have been doing
such harm to your own nature.
Accept your sexuality,
say yes to it -- because only by saying yes to it is there a possibility of
going beyond it. Yes is the stepping-stone. Without
yes you cannot reach the other shore; the yes becomes the boat. But my feeling
is that you are still saying no. Be less of a Hindu, be less of a fanatic, be
less of an idealist. Be a little more realistic.
Tony's wife passed away and he was
almost inconsolable. At the cemetery he collapsed with grief. In the car riding
back home, his whole frame shook with wild sobs.
"Now, now, Tony, my boy,"
soothed his friend. "It's really not so bad. I know it is tough now, but
in six months maybe you find another beautiful bambina and before you know, you
get married again."
Tony turned to him in rage.
"Six months!" he shouted. "What I gonna do tonight?"
You laugh at Tony, but he is more natural. He is not embarrassed about it, he
accepts it.
Jagat Narayan, even though you are
seventy years old, your sex, because it has remained somehow unfulfilled, is
not seventy years old but seventy years young! Now there is going to be
difficulty: you are seventy years old and your sex is seventy years young. But
if you accept it, if you embrace it, if you take it naturally, still it is not
too late. In the East we have a saying: Even if you come back home when the sun
is setting, it is not too late....
Eighty-five-year-old Will Jones
hobbled down to the local bar to have a cold one and shoot the breeze with his
friends. Mr. Jones was the talk of the town, as he had recently married a
beautiful nineteen-year-old girl. Several of the boys bought the old man a
drink in an effort to get him to tell about his wedding night. Sure enough, the
old rascal fell right into their plans.
"My youngest son carried me in
and lifted me on the bed with my young bride. We spent the night together and
then my three other sons carried me off the bed."
The men scratched their heads and
asked the old boy why it took his three sons to take him off when it only took
his youngest boy to put him on.
Proudly he replied, "I fought
them!"
Jagat Narayan, gather
courage! Don't feel embarrassed. At least deep down accept it, even though you may not be able to move into a sexual
relationship. The very acceptance -- total, I mean, less than that won't do --
if you accept totally, even that very acceptance will heal the wound. There may
be no need to actually move into a sexual relationship. That may be even
dangerous; that may create more problems for you than it will solve.
I have heard : One Friday afternoon
a couple appeared before a justice of the peace in a small town and had a
marriage ceremony performed. The man must have been near about eighty and the
girl was only twenty-two. They then drove to a motel and checked in for their
honeymoon. They had a lively evening together.
The next morning the groom raised
the window shade just to take a look outside, pulled it down again and went
back to bed. The next morning, Sunday, this performance was repeated. The groom
raised the shade, looked out for a moment, then pulled it down and went back to
his bride. On the third morning, as he raised the shade, he flew up with
it.
So it can be
dangerous! Don't blame me that I am telling you to find a bambina, no! You may
be too old for it. But nobody is too old to accept something that he has been
denying. Drop condemning it -- respect your nature.
And my own observation is, the
moment you accept something totally, the very acceptance brings a revolution, a
radical change. It is your energy -- accept it. It will make you stronger.
Reject it, it keeps you weak. Fighting with your own energy is dissipating it.
And fighting with your sex will take so much of your time and so much of your
energy -- then when are you going to look at God who is knocking on your door?
Stop fighting, stop fighting
absolutely. Start respecting. Drop condemnation. Nothing is sin -- not sex at
least. It is a natural phenomenon. If people are allowed to live it naturally,
then at the age of fourteen they will become flooded with it. But in an
unnatural society they will be flooded before their time.
Do you know? In America the boys and
girls are becoming sexually mature earlier than anywhere else. In every other
country the boys become sexually mature at fourteen; in America, at thirteen or
twelve they become sexually mature. There is too much sex around in the movies,
on the TV, everywhere.
A small boy -- must have been six or
seven -- was sitting on the steps of his house and crying big tears. An old man
came by and he asked, "My son, why are you crying?" He wanted to help
the boy. He sat by his side, wiped his tears with his handkerchief and asked,
"Why are you crying? What has happened?"
The little boy said, "I am
crying because I can't do what other boys are doing."
And the old man started crying!
The little boy was surprised. He
said, "Pop, why are YOU crying?"
He said, "I can't do what the other boys are doing either. Our problems
are the same."
In America people are
becoming sexually obsessed before their age. That is ugly, that is ill, that is
premature. In India the opposite happens:
people remain sexually interested even when they are seventy, eighty, ninety.
They may not say so -- Jagat Narayan, you are at least authentic, courageous,
to say it is so -- but they remain obsessed with it.
In a natural society, children will
become sexually overflooded at fourteen -- a beautiful energy -- and by the
time they are forty-two the energy will disappear suddenly, as it appeared at
the age of fourteen. If a person lives naturally, without the interference of
the priests.... Priests who are against sex or priests who are for sex -- avoid
both! If a man lives naturally, then between fourteen and forty-two his sex energy
will give him tremendous joy, great experience of ecstasy, first glimpses of
God and samadhi. And by the time it disappears it will leave you ripe, mature,
centered, rooted.
Right now you can do only one thing:
accept it totally, absorb it. It is not too late, although the sun is setting.
If you can come home, if you can become natural and spontaneous about yourself,
authentic, true, at least to yourself, you will be able to face God with a
smile on your face. You will be able to enter death dancing, singing.
And a death that can be welcomed
with dance and song is not death at all. It becomes the door to the deathless,
it leads you into immortality.
Enough for today.
Osho on difference in Normal Sex and tantric Sex
Question
:
What's the difference between Normal sex & Tantric sex ?
Osho
: Your sex act and the tantric sex act are basically different. Your
sex act is to relieve; it is just like sneezing out a good sneeze. The energy
is thrown out and you are unburdened. It is destructive, it is not creative. It
is good -- therapeutic. It helps you to be relaxed, but nothing more. The
tantric sex act is basically, diametrically opposite and different. It is not
to relieve, it is not to throw energy out. It is to remain in the act without
ejaculation, without throwing energy out; to remain in the act merged -- just
at the beginning part of the act, not the end part.
This changes the quality; the complete quality is different then.
Try to understand two things. There are two types of climaxes, two types of
orgasm. One type of orgasm is known. You reach to a peak of excitement, then
you cannot go further: the end has come. The excitement reaches to a point
where it becomes non-voluntary. The
energy jumps into you and goes out. You are relieved of it, unburdened. The
load is thrown; you can relax and sleep. You are using it like a tranquilizer.
It is a natural tranquilizer: a good sleep will follow -- if your mind is not
burdened by religion. Otherwise even the tranquilizer is destroyed. If your
mind is not burdened by religion, only then can sex be a tranquilizing thing.
If you feel guilt, even your sleep will be disturbed. You will feel depression,
you will start condemning yourself and you will begin to take oaths that now
you won't indulge anymore. Then your sleep will become a nightmare afterwards.
If you are a natural being not too much burdened by religion and morality, only
then can sex be used as a tranquilizer. This is one type of orgasm -- coming to
the peak of excitement. Tantra is centered on another type of orgasm. If we
call the first kind a peak orgasm, you can call the tantric orgasm a valley
orgasm. In it you are not coming to the peak of excitement, but to the very
deepest valley of relaxation. Excitement has to be used for both in the
beginning. That is why I say that in the beginning both are the same, but the
ends are totally different.
Excitement has to be used for both: either you are
going toward the peak of excitement or to the valley of relaxation. For
the first, excitement has to be intense -- more and more intense. You have to
grow in it; you have to help it to grow towards the peak. In the second,
excitement is just a beginning. And once the man has entered, both lover and
beloved can relax. No movement is needed. They can relax in a loving embrace.
When the man feels or the woman feels that the erection is going to be lost,
only then is a little movement and excitement required. But then again relax.
You can prolong this deep embrace for hours with no ejaculation, and then both
can fall into deep sleep together. This -- THIS -- is a valley orgasm. Both are
relaxed, and they meet as two relaxed beings. In the ordinary sexual orgasm you
meet as two excited beings -- tense, full of excitement, trying to unburden
yourselves. The ordinary sexual orgasm looks like madness; the tantric orgasm
is a deep, relaxing meditation.
You may not be aware of it, but this is a fact of biology, of bio-energy, that
man and woman are opposite forces. Negative-positive, yin-yang, or whatsoever
you call them, they are challenging to each other. And when they both meet in a
deep relaxation, they revitalize each other. They both revitalize each other,
they both become generators, they both feel livelier, they both become radiant
with new energy, and nothing is lost. Just by meeting with the opposite pole
energy is renewed.
The
tantric love act can be done as much as you like. The ordinary sex act cannot
be done as much as you like because you are losing energy in it, and your body
will have to wait to regain it. And when you regain it, you will only lose it
again. This looks absurd. The whole life is spent in gaining and losing,
regaining and losing: it is just like an obsession. The second thing to be
remembered: you may or may not have observed that when you look at animals you
can never see them enjoying sex. In intercourse, they are not enjoying
themselves.
Look at baboons, monkeys, dogs or any kind of animals. In their sex act you
cannot see that they are feeling blissful or enjoying it -- you cannot! It
seems to be just a mechanical act, a natural force pushing them towards it. If
you have seen monkeys in intercourse, after the intercourse they will separate.
Look at their faces: there is no ecstasy in them, it is as if nothing has
happened. When the energy forces itself, when the energy is too much, they
throw it. The ordinary sex act is just like this, but moralists have been
saying quite the contrary.
They say, "Do not indulge, do not `enjoy'." They say, "This is
as animals do." This is wrong! Animals never enjoy; only man can enjoy.
And the deeper you can enjoy, the higher is the kind of humanity that is born.
And if your sex act can become meditative, ecstatic, the highest is touched.
But remember tantra: it is a valley orgasm, it is not a peak experience. It is
a valley experience!
In the West, Abraham Maslow has made this term "peak experience" very
famous. You go into excitement towards the peak, and then you fall. That is
why, after every sex act, you feel a fall. And it is natural: you are falling
from a peak. You will never feel that after a tantric sex experience. Then you
are not falling. You cannot fall any further because you have been in the
valley. Rather, you are rising.
When you come back after a tantric sex act, you
have risen, not fallen. You feel filled with energy, more vital, more
alive, radiant. And that ecstasy will last for hours, even for days. It depends
on how deeply you were in it. If you move into it, sooner or later you will
realize that ejaculation is wastage of energy. No need of it -- unless you need
children. And with a tantric sex experience, you will feel a deep relaxation
the whole day.
One tantric sex experience, and even for days you will feel relaxed -- at ease,
at home, non-violent, nonangry, non-depressed. And this type of person is never
a danger to others. If he can, he will help others to be happy. If he cannot,
at least he will not make anyone unhappy. Only tantra can create a new man, and
this man who can know timelessness, egolessness and deep non-duality with
existence will grow.
Osho on
Repressed Sex - Hate for Sex
Question: I Love my husband
but I hate Sex, and that creates conflict. Isn't sex Animalistic?
Osho :
It is. But man is an animal -- as much of an animal as any other animal. But
when I say that man is an animal, I don't mean that man finishes with
animality; he can be more than the animal, he can be less also. That is the
glory of man, the freedom and the danger, the agony and the ecstasy. A man can
be far lower than animals, and a man can be far higher than gods. Man has
infinite potentiality.
A dog is a dog: he remains a dog. He is born a dog and he will die a dog. A man
can become a Buddha, and a man can become an Adolf Hitler too. So man is very
open-ended on both sides -- he can fall back. Can you find any animal more
dangerous than man, more mad than man? Just think of a scene: fifty thousand
monkeys sitting in a stadium killing small children -- throwing them into a
fire. What will you think about them?
Thousands of children are being thrown into a fire... A great fire is burning
just in the middle of the stadium, and fifty thousand monkeys enjoying with
joy, dancing, and children are being thrown -- their own children. What will
you think about these monkeys? Will you not think that the monkeys have gone
mad? But this has happened in humanity. In Carthage it happened: fifty thousand
men burning children. They burnt three hundred children at one time. as an
offering to their god. Their own children!
But
forget about Carthage, it is long past. What did Adolf Hitler do in this
century'? Of course, this is a far-advanced century, so Adolf Hitler was
capable of doing greater things than Carthage. He killed millions of Jews, thousands
at a time would be forced into a chamber and gassed. And hundreds of people
would be looking from the outside... watching through one-way
mirrors. What you will think about these people? What type of men...? People
being gassed, burnt, evaporated, and others are watching? Can you think about
animals doing such a thing?
During three thousand years, man has been through five thousand wars -- killing
and killing and killing. And you call sex animalistic? Animals have never done
anything more 'animalistic' than man. And you think man is not an animal? Man
IS an animal. And the idea that man is not an animal is one of the hindrances
for your growth. So you take it for granted that you are not animals, and then
you stop growing. The first recognition has to be this: 'I am an animal and I
have to be alert and and go beyond it.'
It happened: A man wrote to a country hotel in Ireland to ask if his dog would be allowed to stay
there. He received the following answer: Dear Sir, I have been in the
hotel business for over thirty years. Never yet have I had to call in the
police to eject a disorderly dog in the small hours of the morning. No dog has
ever attempted to pass off a bad cheque on me. Never has a dog set the
bed-clothes alight through smoking. I have never found a hotel towel in a dog's
suitcase. Your dog is welcome.
P.S. If he can vouch for you, you can come too!
Animals are beautiful, whatsoever they are; they are just innocent. Man is very
cunning, very calculating, very ugly. Man can fall lower than the animals,
because man can rise higher than man higher than gods. Man has an infinite
potentiality: he can be the lowest and he can be the highest. He has the whole
ladder in his being, from the first rung to the last rung.
So the first thing I would like to say to you:
don't call sex just animalistic, because sex can be just animalistic --
that is possible, but it need not be. It can rise higher, it can become love,
it can become prayer. It depends on you. Sex in itself is nothing like a fixed
entity; it is just a possibility. You can make it as you like it, as you want
it. That is the whole message of Tantra: that sex can become Samadhi. That is
the vision of Tantra: that sex can become Samadhi, that through sex the ultimate
ecstasy can enter in you. Sex can become the bridge between you and the
ultimate.
You say: I Love my husband but I hate Sex, and that
creates conflict. How can you love your husband and yet hate sex'? You
must be playing on words. How can you love your husband and hate sex? Just try
to understand it. When you love a man, you would like to hold his hand too.
When you love a man, you would like to hug him sometimes too. When you love a
man, you would not only like to hear his sound, you would like to see his face
too. When you only hear the sound of your beloved, the beloved is far away, the
sound is not enough; when you see him too you are more satisfied.
When you touch him, certainly you are even more satisfied. When you taste him,
certainly you are even more satisfied. What is sex? It is just a meeting of two
deep energies. You must be carrying some taboos in your mind, inhibitions. What
is sex'? Just two persons meeting at the maximum point -- not only holding
hands, not only hugging each other's bodies, but penetrating into each other's
energy realm. Why should you hate sex?
Your mind must have been conditioned by the Mahatmas, the so-called 'religious'
people who have poisoned the whole of humanity, who have poisoned your very
source of growth. Why should you hate? If you love your man, you would like to
share your total being with him: there is no need to hate. And if you hate sex,
what are you saying'? You are simply saying that you want the man to take care
of you financially, to take care of the house, to bring you a car and a fur
coat. You want to use the man... and you call it love'? And you don't want to
share anything with him.
When you love, you share all. When you love, you don't have any secrets. When
you love, you have your heart utterly open; you are available. When you love,
you are ready to go with him even to hell if he is going to hell. But this
happens. We are very expert with words: we don't want to say that we don't
love, so we make it look as if we love and we hate sex. Sex is not all love --
that's true, love is more than sex -- that's true; but sex is the very
foundation of it. Yes, one day sex disappears, but to hate it is not the way to
make it disappear.
To hate it is the way to repress it. And whatsoever
is repressed will come up one way or other. Please don't try to become a monk
or a nun. Remember, sex is natural. One can go beyond it, but not though
repression. And if you repress it, sooner or later you will find some
other way to express it; some perversion is bound to enter -- you will have to
find some substitute. And substitutes are of NO help at all; they DON'T help,
they CAN'T help.
And once a natural problem has been turned in such a way that you have
forgotten about it, and it has bubbled up somewhere else as a substitute, you
can go on fighting with the substitute, but it is not going to help substitutes
never help; they only create perversions. obsessions. Be natural if you want to
go beyond nature some day. Be natural: that is the first requirement. I am not
saying that there is nothing more than nature, there is a higher nature -- that
is the whole message of Tantra. But be very earthly if you really want to rise
high in the sky.
Can't you see these trees? They are rooted in the earth, and the better they
are rooted the higher they go. The higher they want to go, the deeper they will
have to go into the earth. If a tree wants to touch the stars, the tree will
have to go and touch the very hell -- that's the only way. Be rooted in your
body if you want to become a soul. Be rooted in your sex if you really want to
become a lover. Yes, the more energy is converted into love, the less and less
need of sex will be there, but you will not hate it.
Hate is not a right relationship with anything. Hate simply shows that you are
afraid. Hate simply shows that there is great fear in you. Hate simply shows
that deep down you are still attracted. If you hate sex, then your energy will
start moving somewhere else. Energy has to move. If God gives you sexual
energy, it becomes sacred. Anything from God is sacred and everything is from
God. And by "God" I don't mean a certain person, I mean the whole
existence.
When the cuckoo starts singing, have you ever thought for what the song is for?
It is to attract a sexual partner. But nobody condemns the cuckoo as obscene.
When the flowers open and send their fragrance, what do you think they are
doing? They are advertising that "I have come to flower; now butterflies,
bees are invited and welcome." But for what? -- because the flower has
small seeds which will go with the butterflies, with the bees. Because the same
division exists in the whole existence: there are plants which are male, and
there are plants which are female. The male plant has to send its seeds to the
female plant, its beloved.
Have you seen the dance of a peacock? Do you think he is dancing for you? And
remember one thing: The beautiful tail of rainbow colors and the dancing
peacock is male. He is attracting some female. It is only the insane humanity
where the female has to attract the male. All over nature, it is the male who
attracts the female. And for that reason, all over nature the male is more
beautiful -- because the female need not have any beauty; just being female is
enough. But strange -- man has been standing on his head, doing shirshasana
continuously.
It
is the male who should be more beautiful so that a female is attracted towards
him. But religions have made a mess. To such an extent that if you see a rich
man walking with his wife, he looks like a servant, and the wife looks nothing
but an advertisement for his riches. All the diamonds, all the emeralds, all
the rubies, all gold -- that is an advertisement for the man. He's just a
businessman; having a beautiful wife is a business strategy so you can invite
your customers to your house for dinner, and your wife will hypnotize them with
her beauty so that you can cut their pockets!
But man has become just a servant, a businessman. His riches are known through
the wife -- his riches, his beauty, his genius has to be kept hidden.
Whenever you disturb nature and start manufacturing your own rules, remember it
is a crime -- unforgivable. Man, unless he meditates, will go crazy -- crazy
after women. And man finds meditation more difficult than the woman.
Experienced mothers who have given two, three births can be asked before the
birth and can say whether there is a girl or a boy in their womb, because a
girl remains silent, and a boy starts playing football. He starts kicking here
and there.
In meditation girls can enter deeper. On the one hand they can go deeper in
meditation; on the other hand their sexuality is negative, it is not a
compulsion on them. I was amazed in my experience moving amongst all kinds of
monks and nuns, because no monk is really celibate, but nuns are celibate. They
can manage to be celibate; they don't have an aggressive sex, and moreover
nature has provided that every month their sex energy goes out of their body
automatically, they are clean again for one month.
But man is in a difficulty. His sex energy can be subdued only by deeper
meditation. Then he will not go crazy. Unless you meditate deeply, you will not
be able to transcend your sexual craziness.
The student demonstration had turned into a riot. Suddenly a man staggered out
of the crowd carrying a limp girl in his arms. "Here," shouted a cop
running up to the man, "give her to me. I will get her out of this."
"The hell with you," replied the man, "go and find one of your
own!"
Even in a riot, when people are being killed, shot, the man's mind remains
continuously thinking of sex.
Sex is man's greatest bondage. You have to make
every effort for meditativeness, so that all your sexual energy, instead
of moving downwards, starts moving upwards. Instead of finding a beautiful
woman, start creating a beautiful man within you. Rather than finding a
graceful woman, your energy can make you graceful. But man is more stupid than
woman. The whole of history has been made up by man, and you can see the
madness: it is a history not of mankind, but of madness, wars, rape, burning
living people, destruction.
And now they have come to the peak; perhaps Ronald Reagan will be the last
chapter of history -- although there will be no one to read it, and perhaps no
one will be able to write it even.
A married couple took their little boy to the circus. During the gorilla act
the husband had to go to the bathroom, and while he was gone, the little boy
nudged his mother and said, "What is that long thing hanging down between
the gorilla's legs?"
His mother was very embarrassed and said quickly, "Oh, that's nothing,
dear."
When the husband returned, the wife went off to buy some popcorn, and while she
was gone, the little boy nudged his father and said, "Daddy, what is that
big thing hanging down between the gorilla's legs?"
The father smiled and said, "That son, is his penis."
The little boy looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "Then why did
mummy just say it was nothing?"
"Son," said his father proudly, "I have spoiled that woman."
Osho on
Relationships and Living Partners
Question:
Would you talk to us about our living
partners -- our Wives, husbands and lovers. When should we persevere with a
partner, and when Should we abandon a relationship as hopeless -- or even
Destructive?
Osho : Relationship
is one of the mysteries. And because it exists between two persons, it depends
on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new world is created. Just by their
meeting, a new phenomenon comes into existence -- which was not before, which never
existed before. And through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and
transformed. Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become
something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a lover is
no longer the same woman.
A man when he becomes a father is no longer the same man. A child is born, but
we miss one point completely; the moment the child is born, the mother is also
born. This never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. And a
mother is something absolutely new. Relationship is created by you, but then,
in its turn, relationship creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds
meet. It is not a simple thing but very complex, the most complex.
Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with a long
past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries meet. But if the
relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes deeper, then by and by
centers start meeting. When centers meet, it is called love. When peripheries
meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the person from the without, just from the
boundary, then it is acquaintance. Many times you start calling your
acquaintance your love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love.
Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center is to pass through a
revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his center, you
will have to allow that person to reach to your center also. You will have to
become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open. It is risky. To allow somebody
to reach your center is risky, dangerous, because you never know what that
person will do to you. And once all your secrets are known, once your
hiddenness has become unhidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other
person will do, you never know. The fear is there. That's why we never open.
Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries meet, and
we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really, the periphery is the
boundary where you end, just the fencing around you. It is not you! The
periphery is the place where you end and the world begins. Even husbands and
wives who may have lived together for many years may be just acquaintances.
They may not have known each other. And the more you live with someone, the
more you forget completely that the centers have remained unknown.
So the first thing to be understood is: don't take
acquaintance as love. You may be making love, you may be sexually
related, but sex is also peripheral. Unless centers meet, sex is just a meeting
of two bodies. And a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also
remains acquaintance --physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You can allow
somebody to enter to your center only when you are not afraid, when you are not
fearful. So I say to you that there are two types of living. One:
fear-oriented; one: love-oriented.
Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You remain
afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to penetrate you to
your very core. To an extent you allow the other and then the wall comes and
everything stops. The love-oriented person is the religious person. The
love-oriented person means one who is not afraid of the future, one who is not
afraid of the result and the consequence, who lives here and now. Don't be
bothered about the result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don't think about
what will happen out of it.
Just be here, and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear-oriented man is always
calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life is lost in this
way.
I have heard about an old Zen monk. He was on his deathbed. The last day had
come, and he declared that that evening he would be no more. So followers,
disciples, friends started coming. He had many lovers. They all started coming.
From far and wide people gathered. One of his old disciples, when he heard that
the master was going to die, ran to the market.
Somebody asked: The master is dying in his hut, why are you going to the market?
The old disciple said: I know that my master loves a particular type of cake,
so Iam going to purchase the cake.
It was difficult to find the cake, because now it had gone out of fashion, but
by the evening somehow he managed. He came running with the cake. And everybody
was worried -- it was as if the master was waiting for someone. He would open
his eyes and look, and close his eyes again.
And when this disciple came, he said: Okay, so you have come. Where is the
cake? The disciple produced the cake -- and he was very happy that the master
asked about the cake. Dying, the master took the cake in his hand, but his hand
was not trembling. He was very old, but his hand was not trembling. So somebody
asked: You are so old and just on the verge of dying. The last breath is soon
to leave you, but your hand is not trembling.
The master said: I never tremble, because there is no fear. My body has become
old, but I am still young, and I will remain young even when the body is gone.
Then he took a bite, started munching the cake. And then somebody asked: What
is your last message, Master? You will be leaving us soon. What do you want us
to remember?
The master smiled and said: Ah, this cake is delicious.
This is a man who lives in the here and now: This cake is delicious. Even death
is irrelevant. The next moment is meaningless. THIS moment this cake is
delicious. If you can be in this moment, this present moment, this presentness,
the plenitude, then only can you love.
Love is a rare flowering. It happens only sometimes. Millions and millions of
people live in the false attitude that they are lovers. They believe that they
love, but that is their belief only. Love is a rare flowering. Sometimes it
happens. It is rare because it can happen only when there is no fear, never
before. That means love can happen only to a very deeply spiritual, religious
person. Sex is possible for all. Acquaintance is possible for all. Not love.
When you are not afraid, then there is nothing to hide, then you can be open, then
you can withdraw all boundaries. And then you can invite the other to penetrate
you to the very core.
And remember, if you allow somebody to penetrate
you deeply, the other will allow you to penetrate into himself or herself,
because when you allow somebody to penetrate you, trust is created. When you
are not afraid, the other becomes fearless. In your love, fear is always
there. The husband is afraid of the wife, the wife is afraid of the husband.
Lovers are always afraid. Then it is not love. Then it is just an arrangement
of two fearful persons depending on each other, fighting, exploiting,
manipulating, controlling, dominating, possessing -- but it is not love.
If you can allow love to happen, there is no need for prayer, there is no need
for meditation, there is no need for any church, any temple. You can completely
forget God if you can love -- because through love, everything will have
happened to you: meditation, prayer, God. EVERYTHING will have happened to you.
That's what Jesus means when he says: Love is God. But love is difficult. Fear
has to be dropped. And this is the strange thing, that you are so afraid and
you have nothing to lose.
Kabir has said somewhere: I look into people. They are so much afraid, but I
can't see why -- because they have nothing to lose. Says Kabir: They are like a
person who is naked, but never goes to take a bath in the river because he is
afraid -- where will he dry his clothes? This is the situation you are in --
naked, with no clothes, but always afraid about the clothes. What have you got
to lose? Nothing. This body will be taken by death. Before it is taken by
death, give it to love. Whatsoever you have will be taken away.
Before it is taken away, why not share it? That is the Only way of possessing
it. If you can share and give, you are the master. It is going to be taken
away. There is nothing which you can retain forever. Death will destroy
everything. So, if you follow me rightly, the struggle is between death and
love. If you can give, there will be no death. Before anything can be taken
away from you, you will have already given it, you will have made it a gift.
There can be no death. For a lover there is no death.
For a non-lover, every moment is a death, because every moment something is
being snatched away from him. The body is disappearing, he is losing every
moment. And then there will be death, and everything will be annihilated. What
is the fear? Why are you so afraid? Even if everything is known about you and
you are an open book, why fear? How can it harm you? Just false conceptions,
just conditionings given by the society, that you have to hide, that you have
to protect yourself, that you have to be constantly in a fighting mood, that
everybody is an enemy, that everybody is against you.
Nobody is against you! Even if you feel somebody is against you, he too is not
against you -- because everybody is concerned with himself, not with you. There
is nothing to fear. This has to be realized before a real relationship can
happen. There is nothing to fear. Meditate on it. And then allow the other to
enter you, invite the other to enter you. Don't create any barrier anywhere,
become a passage always open, no locks, no doors on you, no closed doors on
you. Then love is possible.
When two
centers meet, there is love. And love is
an alchemical phenomenon -- just like hydrogen and oxygen meet and a new thing,
water, is created. You can have hydrogen, you can have oxygen, but if you are
thirsty, they will be useless. You can have as much oxygen as you want, as much
hydrogen as you like, but the thirst will not go. When two centers meet a new
thing is created. That new thing is love. And it is just like water, the thirst
of many, many lives is satisfied. Suddenly you become content. That is the
visible sign of love; you become content, as if you have achieved everything.
There is nothing to achieve now; You have reached the goal.
There is no further goal, destiny is fulfilled. The seed has become a flower,
has come to its total flowering. Deep contentment is the visible sign of love.
Whenever a person is in love, he is in deep contentment. Love cannot be seen,
but contentment, the deep satisfaction around him...his every breath, his every
movement, his very being -- content. You may be surprised when I say to you
that love makes you desireless, but desire is with discontent. You desire
because you don't have. You desire because you think if you have something it
will give you contentment.
Desire is out of discontent. When there is love and two centers have met and
dissolved and merged, and a new alchemical quality is born, contentment is
there. It is as if the whole existence has stopped -- no movement. Then the
present moment is the only moment. And then you can say: Ah, this cake is
delicious. Even death doesn't mean anything to a man who is in love. So I say
to you, love will make you desireless. Be fearless, drop fears, be open. Allow
some center to meet the center within you. you will be reborn through it, a new
quality of being will be created.
This quality of being says: This is god. God is not an argument, it is a
fulfillment, a feeling of fulfillment. You may have observed that whenever you
are discontent, you want to deny God. Whenever you are dissatisfied, your whole
being wants to say: There is no God. Atheism is not out of logic, it is out of
discontent. You may rationalize it -- that's another thing. You may not say you
are an atheist because you are discontent. You may say: There is no God and I
have got proofs. But that is not the true thing.
If you are satisfied, suddenly your whole being says: THERE is god. Suddenly
you feel it! The whole existence becomes divine. If love is there you will be
really for the first time in the feeling that existence is divine and
everything is a blessing. But much has to be done before this can happen. Much
has to be destroyed before this can happen. You have to destroy all that
creates barriers in you.
Make love a SADHANA, an inner discipline.
Don't allow it just to be a frivolous thing. Don't allow it just to be an
occupation of the mind. Don't allow it just to be a bodily satisfaction. Make
it an inner search, and take the other as a help, as a friend. If you have
heard anything about Tantra, you will know that Tantra says: If you can find a
consort, a friend, a woman or a man, who is ready to move with you towards the
inner center, who is ready to move with you to the highest peak of
relationship, then this relationship will become meditative.
Then through this relationship you will achieve the ultimate relationship. Then
the other becomes just a door. Let me explain it: if you love a person, by and
by first the periphery of the person disappears, the form of the person
disappears. You come more and more in contact with the formless, the inner. The
form becomes, by and by, vague and disappears. And if you go deeper, then even
this formless individual starts disappearing and melting. Then the beyond
opens. Then that particular individual was just a door, an opening.
And through your lover, you find the divine. Because we cannot love, we need so
many religious rituals. They are substitutes, and very poor substitutes. A
Meera needs no temple to go to. The whole existence is her temple. She can
dance before a tree and the tree becomes Krishna. She can sing before a bird
and the bird becomes Krishna. She creates her Krishna around her everywhere.
Her love is such that wherever she looks the door opens and the Krishna is
revealed, the beloved is revealed.
But the first glimpse will always come through an individual. It is difficult
to be in contact with the universal. It is so big, so vast, so beginningless,
endless. From where to start? From where to move into it? The individual is the
door. Fall in love. And don't make it a struggle. Make it a deep allowance for the
other, just an invitation. And allow the other to penetrate you without any
conditions. And suddenly the other disappears and God is there. If your lover
or beloved cannot become divine, then nothing in this world can become divine.
Then all your religious talk is just nonsense. This can happen with a child.
This can happen with an animal, your dog.
If you can be in deep relationship with a dog, it can happen -- the dog becomes
divine! So it is not a question of man and woman only. That is one of the deepest
sources of the divine and it reaches you naturally, but it can happen from
anywhere. The basic key is this: you should allow the other to penetrate you to
your very deepest core, to the very ground of your being. But we go on
deceiving ourselves. We think we love. And if you think that you love, then
there is no possibility for love to happen -- because if this is love, then
everything is closed.
Make fresh efforts. Try to find in the other the real being that is hidden.
Don't take anybody for granted. Every individual is such a mystery that if you
go on and on into him it is endless. But we get bored with the other -- because
just the periphery, and always the periphery. I was reading a story: A man was
very ill and he tried all types of "pathies," but nothing would help.
Then he went to a hypnotist and the hypnotist gave him a mantra, to repeat
continuously: I am not ill.
For at least fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night: I am
not ill, I am healthy. And the whole day, whenever you remember, repeat it.
Within a few days he started getting better. And within weeks he was absolutely
okay. Then he told his wife: This has been a miracle! Should I go to this
hypnotist for another miracle also? Because lately I am feeling no sexual appetite
and the sexual relationship has almost stopped. There is no desire.
The wife was happy. She said: You go -- because she was feeling very
frustrated. The man went to the hypnotist. He came back, his wife asked: What
mantra, what suggestion now has he given? The man wouldn't tell her. But within
weeks his sexual appetite started returning. He started feeling desire again.
So the wife was very much puzzled.
She continuously persisted in asking, but the man would laugh and would not say
anything. So one day she tried, when he was in the bathroom in the morning
doing his meditation, that fifteen-minute mantra, she tried to hear what he was
saying. And he was saying: She is not my wife. She is not my wife. She is not
my wife.
We take persons for granted. Somebody is your wife -- relationship is finished.
Somebody is your husband -- relationship is finished. Now there is no
adventure, the other has become a thing, a commodity. The other is not now a
mystery to be searched the other is no longer new.
Remember, everything goes dead with age. The periphery is always old, and the
center is always new. The periphery cannot remain new, because every moment it
is getting old, stale. The center is always fresh and young. Your soul is
neither a child, nor a young man, nor an old man. Your soul is simply eternally
fresh. It has no age. You can experiment with it: you may be young, you may be
old, just close your eyes and find out. Try to feel how your center is -- old?
young? You will feel that the center is neither.
It is always new, it never gets old. Why? Because the center doesn't belong to
time. In the process of time, everything becomes old. A man is born -- the body
has started becoming old already! When we say that a child is one week old, it
means one week of oldness has penetrated into the child. The child has already
passed seven days towards death, he has completed seven days of dying. He is
moving towards death -- sooner or later he will be dead. Whatsoever comes in
time becomes old. The moment it enters time, it is already becoming old.
Your body is old, your periphery is old. You cannot be eternally in love with
it. But your center is always fresh, it is eternally young. Once you are in
contact with it, love is an every-moment discovery. And then the honeymoon
never ends. If it ends it was not a honeymoon at all -- it was just an
acquaintance. And the last thing to remember is: in the relationship of love
you always blame the other if something goes wrong. If something is not
happening as it should, the other is responsible. This will destroy the whole
possibility of future growth.
Remember: you are always responsible, and change
yourself. Drop those qualities which create trouble. Make love a
self-transformation. As they say in salesmen's courses: The customer is
always right. I would like to say to you: In the world of relationship and
love, you are always in the wrong, the other is always right. And this is how
lovers always feel. If there is love, they always feel: Something is wrong with
me if things are not happening as they should. And both feel the same way! Then
things grow, then centers open, then boundaries merge.
But if you think that the other is wrong, you are closing yourself and the
other. And the other also thinks that you are wrong. Thoughts are infectious.
If you think the other is wrong even if you have not said it, even if you are
smiling and showing that you don't think the other is wrong -- the other has
got the point -- through your eyes, through your gestures, through your face.
Even if you are an actor, a great actor, and you can just arrange your face,
your gestures as you like, then too the unconscious is continuously sending
signals: You are wrong.
And when you say that the other is wrong, the other starts feeling that you are
wrong. Relationship is destroyed on this rock, and then people become closed.
If you say somebody is wrong, somebody starts protecting, safeguarding. Then
closure happens.
Remember always: in love, you are always wrong. And
then the possibility will open and the other will also feel the same. We create
the feeling in the other. When lovers are close, immediately thoughts go
jumping from one to the other. Even if they are not saying anything, they are
silent, they communicate. Language is for non-lovers, those who are not in
love. For lovers, silence is enough language. Without saying anything, they go
on speaking. If you take love as sadhana, then don't say the other is wrong.
Just try to find out: somewhere, something must be wrong in you, and drop that
wrongness. It is going to be difficult because it is going to be against the
ego. It is going to be difficult because it will hurt your pride. It is going
to be difficult because this will not be dominating, possessing. You will not
be more powerful through possessing the other. This will destroy your ego --
that's why it is going to be difficult.
But destruction of the ego is the point, the goal. From wherever you like to
approach the inner world -- from love, from meditation, from yoga, from prayer
-- whatsoever the path you choose, the goal is the same: the destruction of the
ego, throwing the ego away. Through love it can be done very easily. And it is
so natural! Love is the natural religion.
Osho -
Sex keeps you unconscious
Question -
Osho, After listening to you the other day and Hearing Sex is stupid, we tried
it right away, We dont understand! What do you find Stupid?
Osho
- Ritmo and Deva Mastanando, I have been telling you of other things. Have you
ever tried them right away? I am telling you about meditation every day and you
go on postponing it! And sex you tried right away! You did me a great favor –
you did not try it here! That shows its stupidity.
Sex is not stupid, you are stupid! It is because of you that poor sex also
becomes stupid. And you will never know unless you rise a little higher. Unless
you become a little more alert, you will not see the stupidity. You can’t see
it remaining on the same level – nobody can see it. Go to the madhouse, ask any
madman, ”Are you mad?” He will be mad at you! But no madman will accept that he
is mad. He will say, ”What are you talking about? The whole world is mad except
me. I am perfectly sane.”
No madman
accepts he is mad. If a madman accepts he is mad, that is a sure sign that he
is getting out of his madness, he is becoming sane. You will not be able to see
the stupidity of it unless you learn a little more meditativeness so that you
can observe, so that you can remain detached, so that you can see from a
vantage point, so that you can have a little perspective. Right now you don’t
have any perspective; you are too close.
Just stand
very close to the mirror, your nose touching the mirror, and you will not be
able to see your own face. That is not the fault of the mirror. You have to
give it a little space, then the mirror can reflect you. You are too close. Sex
seems to be the greatest obsession. The priests have to be given all credit for
it. For centuries they have been condemning sex as sin and they have made it an
obsession.
I don’t
call sex a sin, I simply call it stupid. I am not saying that you will suffer
hell – what more hell do you need to suffer? You are already suffering in it.
And what does it go on giving to you? It just keeps you engaged – engaged in
the other so that you can avoid yourself. That is its basic stupidity: it keeps
you ignorant because it keeps you ignoring yourself.
The man is
interested in the woman, the woman is interested in the man. Everybody is
interested in the other. It seems as if the other has all that you need, and
the other is also thinking that you have all that he or she needs. Both are
beggars – and believing that the other has the kingdom.
Sooner or
later you feel frustrated, but your frustration never teaches you anything. It
is very. difficult to learn anything. If one woman has failed you you start looking to other women. If one man has not been up to your
standards – and no man can be, no woman can be because that is not possible,
that is not in the nature of things – then you start looking to other men. And
all kinds of perversions are there, but if you ask any perverted person, he
will not say that he sees any stupidity in it.
A
Frenchman was making love to someone’s wife when the husband returned two days
early from his business trip. Quick as a wink, the Frenchie scrambled out of
the sack and took off like a big big bird. However, the angry husband was just
as fast on his feet and he grabbed a rifle and shot the Frenchman’s balls off.
Not at all perturbed, the Frenchman stuck out his very long tongue and shouted,
”Missed me!”
Now if you ask this Frenchman, he will not say that he is doing anything
stupid; he is doing the most fantastic thing in the world!
Three
woodcutters came down to the town after a long four-month work period, during
which they had not seen or heard a thing except trees and their axes. Within
hours they were totally drunk and decided to visit the local whorehouse.
The madam of the institution found herself in a fix, as she could only offer
two girls and didn’t want to lose her third customer. So she told one of the
girls to put the inflatable tailor’s dummy into one bed.
While two of the woodcutters were escorted to the beds with the real girls, the
most drunk of them was put to bed with the dummy. As the three met the next
morning, they exchanged the reports of their experiences. When the turn to
share his experience came for the one who had been in bed with the air-filled
rubber woman, he said, ”First it was really nice, but she was too quiet.
Then, when I bit her nipple, she gave one big fart and flew out the window.”
Ritmo and
Mastananda, you will not be able to see what you are doing. Be a little more
meditative and don’t be in such a hurry: that I told you and right away... It
seems it was just an excuse. You believed that you were experimenting, you
believed that you were doing something in order to know.
People can
believe all kinds of things – but you cannot deceive me! People can go on
rationalizing. You think you did it because I said sex is stupid? You would
have done it anyway! Even if I had said that sex is very intelligent, then too
you would have done it. If I had not said anything about sex, then too you
would have done it.
Have a
look at your mind. Try to understand how you go on rationalizing and deceiving
yourself. And you cannot understand what I am saying unless you rise a little
higher from the state of consciousness where you are right now. If you want to
see more you have to rise a little higher.
It is as
if you are standing on the road and I am sitting on the treetop. I say to you,
”A bullock cart is coming down the road.” You say, ”I don’t see any bullock
cart. There is no bullock cart.” But I can see; my perspective is greater
because I am on a height. You will only see the bullock cart when it comes very
close to you, and then after a few yards it will disappear again. And I will
say to you, ”It has not disappeared. It is still there on the road.” You will
say, ”It is no longer there, it is gone.”
The higher
you rise, the more you can see. And when you reach the ultimate height,
Buddhahood, you can see everything. Then there is no past and no future; then
there is only present. And in that clarity, sex is the most stupid thing
because it keeps you in bondage the longest. I am not condemning it, I am
simply stating a fact. It is your bondage. It keeps you unconscious. It does
not allow you to see what you are doing. You are possessed by it.
Back in
the early 1960’s when France was fighting its last colonial war, a draft-dodger
from Paris pretended to have poor eyesight during his physical at the army
induction center. The army doctor didn’t buy that, so he sent for a gorgeous
young nurse and told her to take off her clothes.
”Describe what you see, young man,” the doctor asked.
”All I see is a blur, doctor,” the slacker replied.
Said the military M.D., ”Your eyes may not be as good as they should be my lad,
but your prick is pointing straight toward Algeria!”
That’s
why I call it stupid: it keeps you unconscious, it keeps you in a kind of
possession. It is hormonal, it is chemical. It is not you; it is just your
biology that goes on forcing you to do certain things. If you watch, you will
be surprised: What are you doing? And why are you doing? If you watch you will
be surprised: What are you gaining out of it? What have you gained up to now?
And in your saner moments you know perfectly well what I am saying, you
understand it; but those saner moments are very superficial – they come and go
– and soon you are back in the same trap again. Mastananda, go back again, do
it right away, but be watchful, be meditative.
And I will
be there, standing by your side, and let us see what happens. Either you will
not be able to do it at all or you will find that it is a biological
compulsion, it is an obsession, it is not you. Your consciousness will remain
floating up; deep down in the valley it will happen, but you will remain
detached, unconcerned, cool. And that will give you the insight. Sex becomes a
tantric experience when meditation is added to it.
Source: from
Osho Book "Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen"
Osho - if sex is not a natural desire in
you, to force it will be a repression
Question - Beloved Osho, I never have sex and I don't feel like
having sex. I don't think that I am beyond sex, but I love meditation and
dancing much more, although it is difficult to accept this. Sex is not
happening, and i like that it is not happening. Osho, does it mean that in
order to be a sannyasin, I must have sex? I don't like it if it is not a
natural happening, if it is only a sex and mind meeting, and not meditation. I
enjoy being alone. I see myself in conflict a lot with this, but I can also
accept the way I am. Then it all disappears from the mind, and my heart opens
again. Osho, is something wrong with me?
Osho - Anand Dolano, nothing is wrong with you. Repression of
sex is evil, but if sex is not a natural desire in you, to force it will be a
repression. There are people who are forcing their natural desire for sex in
trying to be celibate; they are going against their nature. And if you don't
have any inclination towards sex, forcing it will be going against your nature;
it will be the same kind of crime.
A sannyasin needs to be natural. You
have to listen to your own body, your own instincts, your own intuition, and follow
it. You are not to do anything against your nature. If you like to be alone,
and enjoy meditating... that's what everybody else is trying, but first they
are trying to get finished with sex so that they can enjoy being alone. You are
in a better position, you don't have to pass through the hell. You have already
passed through it somehow; perhaps in your past life. You are out of the hell;
now don't try to get into the dark tunnel again.
Even the people to whom I say,
"Don't repress sex," are not being told to remain always sexual. In
fact repression of sex keeps you always sexual. Once you have lived it totally,
you are finished with it. And the sooner you are finished the better, because
then you can sit silently without being bothered by the need of anybody else as
a companion. You are enough unto yourself, and that is the most important thing
for a meditator -- the enoughness of aloneness.
But I can understand your problem.
Here you must be seeing everybody bringing problems about sex, about their fights.
Somebody is completely satisfied; that is his boredom. Somebody is not
satisfied, he wants more satisfaction; that is his problem. Somebody is not
feeling boredom; that is his problem. Listening to all these problems,
naturally anybody will get worried: what is my problem? If you don't have any
problem, it certainly means something is wrong with you!
Nothing is wrong with you. Just
enjoy being yourself, your meditation, your silence, and let these people pass
through their darkness. One day they will all come out of the tunnel; then you
can greet them. But just seeing that everybody is in the tunnel, fighting,
shouting.... Sitting outside the tunnel in the light, in silence, don't be
worried that "Something seems to be wrong with me. Everybody is in the
tunnel; what am I doing here? All the meditators are in the tunnel. Nobody is
meditating... but they have all come here to meditate; only I am
meditating."
"My wife is a typical
Jew," complained the man to his companion. "She only makes love
doggy-style."
"Doggy-style?" said his companion, "I don't believe it!"
"It is true. I sit up and beg,
and she rolls over and plays dead."
Let them play whatever style they
want; you simply don't get distracted from your meditation. You are perfectly
right. And all these people are trying to reach to your position. You don't
have to descend into their troubles, into their problems.
You are blessed. It rarely happens,
what is happening to you. It happens only because of your past life; there is
no other explanation. In your past life you must have been meditating; you must
have been with a master; you must have come to a point where sex became
meaningless, where the need of the other dropped, when you became enough unto
yourself and your loneliness changed into aloneness; hence in this life you are
carrying all that you have achieved in your past life.
It is because of such experiences
that all three Eastern religions accepted the idea of reincarnation. The three
other religions, which were born outside of India, have no explanation for such
an experience. Christianity, Judaism, Mohammedanism -- all three religions
cannot explain your situation. But Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, have a very
logical scientific explanation: that you are carrying a quality that you
achieved in your past life. Nothing is lost. Once you have achieved it, it goes
on with your consciousness into new lives, into new bodies.
Okay, Maneesha?
Yes, Osho.
Osho - if sex is not a natural desire in
you, to force it will be a repression
Question - Beloved Osho, I never have sex and I don't feel like
having sex. I don't think that I am beyond sex, but I love meditation and
dancing much more, although it is difficult to accept this. Sex is not
happening, and i like that it is not happening. Osho, does it mean that in
order to be a sannyasin, I must have sex? I don't like it if it is not a
natural happening, if it is only a sex and mind meeting, and not meditation. I
enjoy being alone. I see myself in conflict a lot with this, but I can also
accept the way I am. Then it all disappears from the mind, and my heart opens
again. Osho, is something wrong with me?
Osho - Anand Dolano, nothing is wrong with you. Repression of
sex is evil, but if sex is not a natural desire in you, to force it will be a
repression. There are people who are forcing their natural desire for sex in
trying to be celibate; they are going against their nature. And if you don't
have any inclination towards sex, forcing it will be going against your nature;
it will be the same kind of crime.
A sannyasin needs to be natural. You
have to listen to your own body, your own instincts, your own intuition, and
follow it. You are not to do anything against your nature. If you like to be
alone, and enjoy meditating... that's what everybody else is trying, but first
they are trying to get finished with sex so that they can enjoy being alone.
You are in a better position, you don't have to pass through the hell. You have
already passed through it somehow; perhaps in your past life. You are out of
the hell; now don't try to get into the dark tunnel again.
Even the people to whom I say,
"Don't repress sex," are not being told to remain always sexual. In
fact repression of sex keeps you always sexual. Once you have lived it totally,
you are finished with it. And the sooner you are finished the better, because
then you can sit silently without being bothered by the need of anybody else as
a companion. You are enough unto yourself, and that is the most important thing
for a meditator -- the enoughness of aloneness.
But I can understand your problem.
Here you must be seeing everybody bringing problems about sex, about their
fights. Somebody is completely satisfied; that is his boredom. Somebody is not
satisfied, he wants more satisfaction; that is his problem. Somebody is not
feeling boredom; that is his problem. Listening to all these problems,
naturally anybody will get worried: what is my problem? If you don't have any
problem, it certainly means something is wrong with you!
Nothing is wrong with you. Just
enjoy being yourself, your meditation, your silence, and let these people pass
through their darkness. One day they will all come out of the tunnel; then you
can greet them. But just seeing that everybody is in the tunnel, fighting,
shouting.... Sitting outside the tunnel in the light, in silence, don't be
worried that "Something seems to be wrong with me. Everybody is in the
tunnel; what am I doing here? All the meditators are in the tunnel. Nobody is
meditating... but they have all come here to meditate; only I am
meditating."
"My wife is a typical
Jew," complained the man to his companion. "She only makes love
doggy-style."
"Doggy-style?" said his companion, "I don't believe it!"
"It is true. I sit up and beg,
and she rolls over and plays dead."
Let them play whatever style they
want; you simply don't get distracted from your meditation. You are perfectly
right. And all these people are trying to reach to your position. You don't
have to descend into their troubles, into their problems.
You are blessed. It rarely happens,
what is happening to you. It happens only because of your past life; there is
no other explanation. In your past life you must have been meditating; you must
have been with a master; you must have come to a point where sex became
meaningless, where the need of the other dropped, when you became enough unto
yourself and your loneliness changed into aloneness; hence in this life you are
carrying all that you have achieved in your past life.
It is because of such experiences
that all three Eastern religions accepted the idea of reincarnation. The three
other religions, which were born outside of India, have no explanation for such
an experience. Christianity, Judaism, Mohammedanism -- all three religions cannot
explain your situation. But Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, have a very logical
scientific explanation: that you are carrying a quality that you achieved in
your past life. Nothing is lost. Once you have achieved it, it goes on with
your consciousness into new lives, into new bodies.
Okay, Maneesha?
Yes, Osho.